The Habs PK's

One very good. The other, very not.

1. The Good. Who is this PK Subban guy? Sure we all saw him in the World Juniors but I don't remember him being this much of a presence. A goal tonight and an assist the other? And he was only called up three days ago? And he's only 20? What'll he do by next week? Score his tenth and series winning goal whilst tripping over Sid's stick, then flying through the air?

2. The Bad. Four power play goals for the Pens tonight. I don't have to tell you that you can't give Sid and Malkin that much ice and expect to come out on top. Christ, they must've been salivating all game like there was a bucket full of fresh krill.

Then And Now

What I Used To Say: Man, we need a super star. A go to guy that puts up over a hundred points and can practically score at will. Someone like Sid or Ovechkin. To really compete on the big stage, you need that guy.

What I Say Now: Hank for the Hart.

Les Bleu, Blanc et Quois!!!????

Well I guess they got that goal tending thing sorted out in Montreal. Unreal.

I think I'll let the Skip field this one. When he's done peeling himself off the ceiling of Le Biftek. I don't know how he watched it. Even I'm still vibrating here at HQ.

10 Things That Haven't Occurred To Me

Sticking to the game plan. Which is not honking the horn until the third round, and not allowing myself to get caught up in the hysteria that's swirling around the lower mainland.

Things I'm not thinking about:

1. The fact we're playing the Blackhawks again, with a bona fide shot at redemption.

2. Bob is on his game.

3. So are the Sedins.

4. So is everyone else for that matter. I wish Sweden would snub Samuelsson every year.

5. The potential for a huge line brawl with Byfuglien and Rypien at the centre of it.

6. Ryan Johnson, the shot blocking machine, coming off the DL just in time for the series.

7. Pat Kane trying to hail a cab in Vancouver.

8. Burrows' trash talk hitting peaks higher than Cypress Mountain.

9. The fact that in four regular season contests the two squads were tied at two a piece.

10. The possibility that this series could go nine games.

The Doctor Is In

No, I'm not talking about Halladay going 4-1 for the Phills this season, I'm talking about the Skip nailing his PHD defense, thus earning his Doctorate In Geography. I'm putting on my tweed jacket with leather elbow pads to announce boisterously, "Good show chap! Just cracking!!"

The topography of Maniwaki Country most definitely sits under an accomplished analytical lens.

Also getting in on the celebration was Jaroslav Halak, who performed La Cirque Du Bell Centre this evening, stopping 53 shots to extend the Habs season. Fifteen of which were from Ovechkin and Semin combined.

Game 7 Wednesday. What?

Sunday Maniwaki Channel Surfing

Ok what a way to finish off the weekend. Hung and hanging on HQ couch. Everything I need is broadcast on three consecutive channels.

CH 21 - KOMO. NBA Playoffs. Miami was barely beating Boston when I tuned in, and eventually did manage to avoid Beantown brooms. Cued up now, Lebron vs the Bulls.

CH 22 - Sportsnet Pacific. Brandon Morrow took a no no into the bottom fifth, but Upton broke it up. Then eventually trotted across the plate behind the previously walked Pena to make it 2-0 Tampa. We may be losing in this one but we definitely came out on top in the League for Morrow trade. Uh oh. Carl Crawford's on base.

CH 23 - TSN. Red Wings/Coyotes. Also trying to avoid elimination is Phoenix who are up 4-1 in the second intermission...?? In Hockeytown...? Lidstrom and Zetterberg are getting it handed to them by the likes of Taylor Pyatt, Petr Prucha and Radim Vrbata? Making Game 7 look like a definite eventuality?

Friday Whis List

Ok, heading to Whis tonight for a din din and an unwind.

Here's some shit I want to see out of the Canucks tonight.

1. For The Love Of Tiger Williams Stay Out Of The Box. They're absolutely murdering us. Alberts, I'm looking at you.

2. Shut Down Doughty. Oh look it's a 20 year old sophomore, who has a ton of points and a Gold Medal, who has the mind of a 35 year old vetran, but the body of a 20 year old Gold Medalist. What's that he's a finalist for the Norris now? Can we please do something about this guy?

3. Buck Up Bob. No room for any softies tonight.

4. Fourth Line Scoring. What Hank and Dank have to do everything? How about Wellwood with the game winner tonight?

Hank For Captain

Ok, time to weigh in on a few items from last night's thriller in LA. To go completely cliche, "you need your big players to step up in the big game." And holy smokes, did Hank do just that.

So impressed I was by his performance last night, I'm actively throwing a Maniwaki endorsement out there for him to wear the "C" next season. Consider:

1. The Quote. "We knew what we had to do, and we didn't need the coach or the fans to tell us." Tell me the last time you heard an athlete say this after being called out by a coach.

2. The Stand. Shane O'brien got a little hot under the helmet and started yelling at the Kings bench. Fine. Then he started yelling at his own coach, Rick Bowness, after Bowness told him to cool it and not take another lethal penalty. Who's the first to stand up on the bench in support of the squad? Yup.

3. The Kill. The Kings had scored six straight goals on six straight power plays. Uggh. Finally the streak stopped came when the boss sent les frères Sedin out to douse one.

4. The Goal. And just for good measure, how about a game winner with less than three minutes to go?

HANK FOR CAPTAIN.

An Abbreviated Breakdown

If you read these e-pages regularly, or semi regularly, you're probably wondering why there hasn't been much going up around here over the last few days. Well, two reasons for that.

First, I've been taking my time recapping my latest swing out east.

Second, do you really need to hear me bitch about the Canucks every day? Seeing as how we're down in the series 2-1, with yet another first round back-against-the-wall game tonight, I figured it's about time I weighed in the 2010 version of this team's bullshit. There's a lot so I'll try and condense it as best I can:

1. Don't Honk Until The Third Round. This has been my playoff mantra thus far and I'm sticking to it. Not this year fuckers. I'm not getting swept up in the ludicrous lower mainland frenzy of the early rounds.

Do I really need to go bonkers and celebrate a first round Game 4 win? Do I really need to march up and down Granville like we've won The Cup as we go up a game against Phoenix in the second round? No I fucking don't. And neither do you. We've all been here before. Let's not celebrate mediocrity.

Christ, the Canucks own practically all second round real estate for the past 15 years. Should we escape from L.A., let's reserve our enthusiasm for the third round. Territory we haven't been in 1994. Which will be a tall order because once again we've shown ;

2. We Don't Play A Full 60 Minutes. And we never learn. Ever. In the first period of Game 2, when Burrows put us up 2-0, and everyone was dancing in the stands in GM place, I knew this was where everything was going to go to shit. I even announced it to anyone that would listen. Of course no one believed me. But I knew.

When Luongo was interviewed after Game 1 and asked about his game saving sweep save in OT, and replied with with that overly cocky glint in his eye, I knew. Knew he'd be getting the hook soon.

So when we did eventually lose Game 2 in OT only to get absolutely shelled in Game 3, I knew that everyone would be walking around these parts scratching their heads again going "what the fuck?"

But not this guy.

3. It's The Drew Doughty Coming Out Party. And no, not the Drew Doughty Davie St coming out party like many of my neighbours would like. Get your heads out of the gutters. This was another call I announced the other day. Before Game 3. Before he netted four points, with a goal and three assists. Think he's going to cool down any time soon?

4. You're Saying I'm Saying This Is All After The Fact. Bullshit. I never picked us to get out of the first round. And unfortunately these idiots are making me look like The Great Zandini. I feel like a mother watching helplessly as her athletic son turns to crack and pisses away his scholarship. But it's not only the players fault;

5. Vigneault Deserves To Hear It. Remember the 2004 ALCS, where the Red Sox were barely up on the Yanks in Game 7? And then manager Grady Little walked out to the mound to pull Pedro? Only to turn right around, leaving him on the hill to get clobbered? Only to open the door for the eventual extra innings Aaron Boone blast?

Of course you do. How could you forget? You've been watching this game every time the Canucks have taken the ice since the Olympics.

Of course Pedro's a gamer, and figured he could last another inning, although he was already at something like 120 pitches. And of course Little should've been a manager and sent Pedro to the bench to let a fresh reliever close things down.

And of course Alain Vigneault should've rested his star goalie, who's obviously bag tired from the extreme physical and emotional exhaustion of the Olympics. Look Bob, even Pedro needed a rest. So do you.

6. Predictions For The Rest Of The Series? Holy fuck this only goes one way. Call your bookies now. We come out tonight with a decisive win. 6-2 or something like that. Then again at home in Game 5. Everyone starts shining up their Granville St shoes for Game 6, only to have Kopitar put the kibosh on our party. And then again in Game 7 when Bob finally runs out of what little juice he's got left.

Kings in 7. Start waving the crying towels.

An Opening Day In A Closed Dome

So here we are just about a month into the MLB season. The obvious names are making an early obvious case for themselves. (Yanks, Phills.) Others are not (Red Sox). Whilst others are early surprises. (Pirates, Rays.)

Our 2010 Toronto Blue Jays sat in the latter category a mere week ago, and since I was still in town, I decided that it was imperative to attend the home opener against Ozzie and the ChiSox. After spending a very chill weekend at Oaktown HQ, following the Frozen Four, it was time to take the train to Union Station and spend a day in the dot.

The sporting Gods had decided to be completely unaccommodating over the weekend, yet I had hoped that these upstart Jays could be the TSN turning point of the trip. A pair of tickets was no where to found, and after the attempted fleecing by MLSE and the ACC scalpers, things were looking grim. The Dad, who was supposed to accompany me to the game, graciously suggested that I scoop up a single for myself(if there was one) and we'd hit the town for the afternoon.

And so it was. A single, behind the Jays dugout, 19 rows up.

We commuted in hours before opening pitch. The day was sunny. Perhaps things would really turn around in sporting land. The Dad suggested I pick up my will call ticket before the crazy line ups. Good plan. We secured my seating and walked around the Dome.

I know a lot of people want to follow Minnesota's ridiculous route and build an open air park in Toronto, but to me it's idiocy. The SkyDome rules. I've always loved it. I remember the first time the Dad took the Skip and I, when it opened in the late '80's. Don't remember who was playing, but I'll always remember the first glance through the section entrance out to the field and seeing that green astro turf, as thousands of people bustled around me in the massive brand spanking new complex. I felt like I had just walked into a space station.

And dammit I still get all giddy when I go to the Dome, and I don't care if it seems out of date to some. To me it's still that cutting edge complex where thousands of people go to watch ball and if you're lucky, the roof opens.

So we did our lap and checked out the new condos that have sprung up. A trio of power suits came blustering towards us. One of them looked familiar.

Me: Have a good season.

Power Suit: Hey thanks a lot!! I really appreciate it!

The Dad: Who was that?

Me: The new Jays GM.

The Dad: Really? Well you and your brother do know your baseball...

And AA seemed did appear really enthused. I'm sure he was all jacked up to start off the season in town, to the tune of a sold out SkyDome. Sure it was incredibly early in the season, but his squad was sitting top of the div, on the front cover of all the papers, and the only sporting dollar in the city to be spent as the Leafs and Raptors...well...you know...

Maybe things were going turn around after all.

Fast forward to game time. The Dad and I had finished our tour down Queen, up Spadina and through Kensington, and we was GOing back to Oaktown. I joined the masses, and tried to find my gate.

And sure as shit, once I got through the doors, and spied that green turf, I reverted back to being 14 for a split second. Here it was again. Thousands of people funnelling around. Program vendors. A lively Dome. Hell, I briefly forgot what year it was glanced around quickly for a Jays painter's hat. Or a Kelly Gruber t-shirt. Said it before. And I'll be sure to say it a billion more times.

But this. Was good. For baseball.

Grabbed a beer. Took my seat. Watched the opening festivities. Adam Lind and Aaron Hill both received awards. Lind the Silver Slugger. Hill the Comeback Player Of The Year. Canadian Olympians rolled onto the field. Alex Bilodeau tossed out the first pitch, and bounced if before the plate. Maybe he should stick to those insane misty flips.

The teams were introduced. Ozzie came out. I had to laugh. You just have to laugh at Ozzie. AJ appeared. I booed. You just have to boo for AJ. Rios rolled in. Everyone booed. They just had to boo the underachieving and soon to be 12 mill a year man.

The bunting was out. The anthems played. And here we were. 46 000+ in a packed Dome. It felt like 1989 all over.

And the game? Well we all knew how it turned out. Great until the ninth. Really great indeed as the following were evident:

1. Jacks a'plenty. Vernon continued his hot start, blasting a big blue bomb. (sooo good to see the fans get behind him.) Catcher John Buck, belted one. (who..? what...?)

2. The Silver Slugger. Lind went 2-5 with 3 RBI's scoring a run.

3. Bad Hair Dye Boos. Which I had to chirp up at on at every chance I got. From AJ discarding his mask, to catch foul pops, to closer Bobby Jenks' ridiculous goatee. (just google image and see for yourself.)

We were up 7-6. And all we had to do was get through the top half of the ninth. Things inside were starting to unravell. There had been fights in the upper decks. Cats were getting escorted out at record pace. (I mean I witnessed a Yanks/BoSox game at Yankee Stadium which featured far fewer fracases.)

Projectiles were flying. Paper planes came shooting down from the upper levels. A lad got beaned with a foul ball.... As great as the game was thus far, the energy seemed different from the days of old. I didn't ever remember visiting the ThunderDome in the late '80's.

And then. The bullpen. Frasor gave up a jack to Mark freakin' Teahen to send the game to extras. And then Accardo (who to me has always been a few steps away from Batista-ville) totally shit the 11th and the game giving up an RBI triple to Mark freakin' Teahen.

ChiSox: 8. Blue Jays: 7. Final.

It was time to skip town. My flight was at 7 am the next morning. I filed along with the rest of Blue Jay Bartertown back to Union Station. Crammed into my GO car, and stood amongst way more ruckus white baseball capped rowdies than I would've liked. It was like taking every drunk 3am club straggler from Granville St and putting them on one a speeding freight train.

Escaped at Oaktown Station. Headed to HQ. Happy to make it home.

Very quickly I was up and on a plane. It is always great to see family, and once again, it was a blast to hang with everyone out east. However I had to ruminate on what the sporting spectacle had presented us with over the previous few days, as well...not much had gone our way in that regard. In fact, despite our best intentions, nothing had in sport land.

I'm sure there must be some message in it all. Sure of it. And maybe one day the proverbial Dome roof will open and enlighten me to the reasons for these Eastern tribulations. But right now, I can't find them and it's all just a wash of Badgers, a bruised Bosh, hard luck GMs and Mark freakin' Teahen...

24 Hours In Detroit

So I had landed in Southern Ont safely. The Skip had picked me up at the airport and we had retreated to Oaktown HQ. The first order of business. Beer. As this was my welcome back into the realm of regular diet, as I had been cleansing insanely for 5.5 weeks. Beer. Steak. Baked fucking potato with cheese. Even some Easter chocolate eggs. It was a big deal.

The next day as well, as the trip down the 401 did nothing to quell the bitter, brutal nausea churning in my not so iron stomach. Which was accentuated by the miserable storm swirling around us. The trip served as NCAA boot camp. The hockey gods were toughening me up inside out, in preparation for the stark realities we would face in the Motor City. And beyond.

The Skip and I stopped at the gas station outside of Woodstock. No dollar menu on this highway. Instead other RIT supporters on their way down to the Big Collegiate Game. Good for hockey. We made acquaintances and then departed braved the 401. The storm subsided. My stomach did not. We hit Windsor and made our way towards the large General Motors towers looming in the distance...

***

We emerged from the Windsor/Detroit tunnel, and after a terse grilling from terse US border security, we circled around the block to our destination. The Motor City Marriot. Right next to GM HQ. Walked into the lobby to be smacked with a ton of Frozen Four sign-age. Wow. This was the big national college tourney alright. Boston College, Wisconson, Miami, RIT logos were all plastered inside. Fans clad in colours bustled in the corridors and meandered in the lobby. Opposing faction eyed each other in transit in the halls. Merch booths were set up and selling Frozen gear. It was grass roots. On the national level.

The Dad met us. We zipped up to the 61st floor and dumped our stuff. From our room we could survey all of Detroit, all the way out to the lake. All the way out to Kalamazoo. I felt like Lee Iacocca.

We met up with the rest of the crew (Cathy, Steph, her bro Nick), donned our colours, and made our way to the Big Game. The Frozen Four at Ford Field.

****

Hopped on the "People Mover", the Detroit mono-rail. Zipped passed Joe Louis. Red Wings jerseys on the train. Yup. This was hockey town.

A brief stop at an RIT pep rally. A packed bar downtown Detroit to get us revved up. We passed Comerica Park. Which was probably one of the best things about the stroll up to the game. Everywhere you turned there were Tigers signs, complete with the obligatory orange. It was practically a home game for RIT. Billboards, street signs, the ball park itself were all screaming at you that this was Tigers' country.

We tried to soak it all in. We were loving Detroit. Sure there were a lot of empty buildings, but the architecture everywhere was so retro. It must have been something in it's hey day. Surely all it would take is one blockbuster Hybrid release from GM to get the city booming again. Hope was abound.

Got to Ford Field. Got the tickets. Parted ways with the Dad and Cathy and went for one more lap around town. Walked into Chelly's Chilli where Wisconsin was having their pre game pepper.

The Skip: "Alot of nervous Wisconsin fans in there."

Everyone else: Yup.

We headed for the Ford.

And what can you say? Just ginormous. We walked up to our section. It looked like a massive airplane hanger. Like they could fit a fleet of 747's inside. Constructed on the field was a rink. Stadium seating all the way around to compliment the regular stands. Banner from previous National Champs hung over one section. A jumbo tron. Former Oilers GM, Kevin Lowe, (scouting things out right beside us.)

Yup, the Dangler was really playing in the big time in this one. I mean he's played in some massive tournies before. But this was immense. We descended down to our seats.

***

The lads took the ice to practice. We lost it. They circled around the ice doing their drills. The Dangler fired a few in, and then weaved in and out with his squad. In the NFL airplane hanger. In Detroit. In the Frozen Four. It was what you could definitely call, "a proud moment."

Eventually both teams lined up. The anthem played. The fans applauded. The Corner Crew came to life. The puck dropped. It was on.

***

Wisconsin got on the board early, which helped them set their pace. I imagine they were probably able to assimilate to the magnitude of the match a bit quicker as they had one the whole thing a mere four years ago, and many of this team's seniors were then juniors on that squad.

So the Tigers were on their heels early. They tried valiantly to regroup, but did have tough time fending off a Badgers team that was big, fast, and more experienced at this stage. After the first intermission it was 4-0. We remained un-phased. And got jumped into the best gang in NCAA. Namely the RIT Corner Crew. Wow. These guys know how to have fun at a hockey game.

This RIT cheering section put on one of the most raucous displays of fandom I've ever witnessed. A full section of orange clad hooligans hollering chants in unison. Taunting the opposing team in unison. The opposing goalies. Players that weren't even there, who had already been knocked out by RIT. The Corner Crew never gets down. They never appear sullen. In fact they only got louder as Wisconsin continued to score. Talk about a textbook definition for "school spirit."

Eventually the Tigers got one. And we all went mental. It was 6-1. We screamed like fiends. The family, the fans, the friends. It was awesome. We got to sit in a massive stadium and cheer our lads as they scored on the national stage. It was probably the best tally I've ever seen and hollered for live in my whole life.

But in the end, the Badgers dug in even more. Sure, the outcome was not what anyone wanted. We still stood and cheered for the final minute. Definitely a proud moment. The Tigers came over to the corner and raised their sticks. A classy exit indeed.

****

It was time for a drink. We all regrouped back at the hotel bar. We snagged a huge section and sussed things out. The Dangler was remarkably composed. Admittedly he was sore at losing the game, but kept it in perspective. The Skip not so much. I can only imagine the carnage had it been a team he was playing on.

Sure everyone commiserated a bit, but ultimately celebrated this team's amazing achievement. The first squad from the Atlantic Div to ever reach the Frozen Four. Legitimately, by earning it. And that's something that no one can say anything about.

And sure we heard the whispers in the hotel hallway, and read some rumblings online about how this was merely a "magical run." But we knew better. We knew that the Tigers have a solid core of players, who have steadily been building over the last few seasons. We knew that until this game, they held the longest winning streak in the nation. We knew that in these short tourneys anything can happen. We knew all of this even before we watched number 1 ranked Miami get blasted 7-1 by BC.

And ultimately we knew that the Tigers appearance in the Frozen Four was no fluke, no way. Rather the result of an effective hockey system, which is constantly being refined. One which had been executed all season, 12 straight games in one stretch.

We all hoisted one for the RIT Tigers and their stupendous season.

****

The next day the boys boarded the bus and returned to Rochester. We figured, we'd do the same and head back to Oaktown. The Corner Crew figured they'd stick around for a bit, as their work wasn't done.

The Skip and I circled the block and headed back through the tunnel. We were ten minutes shy of being in Detroit for a full 24 hrs. The border guard didn't even look at our passports and waved us through. We pointed the car to the 401 and knew that we had just partaken in a great character builder along with a lot of great characters.

Playing The Percentages

Ok back in Van. A full recap of the Frozen Four and other Southern Ont adventures on deck. Since the playoffs start tomorrow, the Skip and I drunkenly decided the other night at Oaktown HQ, to assign a percentage value to each playoff team's first round chances. They are as follows:

The Skip

Wash 62% over Mon
SJ 74% over Col
Pitt 92% over Ott
Buff 78% over Bos
NJ 68% over Phi
Det 12,000% over Pho
Van 54% over LA
Chi 86% over Nash

I

Wash 90% over Mon
Col 65% over SJ
Ott 60% over Pit
Buff 70% over Bos
Phi NJ 50%
Det 75% over Pho
LA 65% over Van
Chi 85% over Nash

And: 112% that Hank will win the Calder after nailing down the Canucks first ever Art Ross the other night.

Kimmo alm!!!!

Getting Up From The Table

So the Skip and I took the train into town in hopes of securing seats for last night's NBA contest at the ACC. To spare you a very long story, let's just say that this match coincided perfectly with every other event in the sporting spectacle this weekend. More specifically things did not go our way, and were not meant to do so in any fashion as:

1. Box office tix were well beyond the allotted cash set aside for this contest.

2. Unofficial NBA event resellers were even worse. Even after opening tip off, their market remained ridiculous. Vancouver Grizzlies apparently this team is not.

3. The Raptors ended up getting absolutely flattened by the Bulls of Chicago, anyways.

Any way you slice it, it wasn't to be our day, or our weekend. We had been barred from the ACC. Had we managed to secure seating, we would've been witness to most likely the dreariest, most depressing four quarters of basketball in history. So in a sense our first defeat really was a blessing in disguise. We are taking the positives that we can, cashing in our meagre stack of chips, and folding up the table.

The Skip is en route back to the sugar shack. I depart tomorrow for HQ. However, there still is one last event which merits attention. But dare I attend?

.....?

Way To Go RIT!!!

[The following is an open letter from Vlad Haltigin, to the RIT Tigers and their faithful following.]

As a proud player parent.......what fabulous memories of a sensational season!

To the Corner Crew and Pep Band, you have constantly been the most amazing inspiration to the players and entire RIT Campus......your enthusiasm and support has set a completely new standard......not only week after week at Ritter Arena, but now the enire nation takes notice that RIT fans are still cheering for their team louder than the entire Boston College and Wisconsin fans in Detroit! Go Tigers!

To Coaches Wilson and Hills and your entire support staff, your encouragement, patience and belief in your team speaks volumes for all you have done to climb to new levels of achievement.

To the players, absolutely be proud of yourselves and what you have done so far.......no-one will ever forget........the Blue Cross Arena jinx is over for ever!........three Denver players escaped to the NHL to avoid you next year,...... and each one of you is the best son every parent could ever wish for!

Thank you Seniors and graduate.....Dan, Stevan, DeMich, Al, Brent and Tyler M. your leadership was a standard everyone strives to achieve.

To the Juniors, Sophomores and Freshmen........enjoy this period of glory ..... the future is yours ! Just BELIEVE!!!!!!!!

Hockey Night In Oaktown

Ok, here's the scenario. A very Canadian family setting on a very Canadian Saturday night. We are back in Oaktown after returning from the Frozen Four in Detroit.

The outcome was not what anyone had hoped for, but we remain fiercely proud of our Detroit Tigers. Way to go men. Your season was not only successful, it was a ground breaker. Way to wield those Atlantic shovels. Full Maniwaki breakdown to follow...

For now we have all retired to the living room, after a superb Saturday night dins. Steak, seafood, and vino. Grapes is on the tube right now in the 1st intermission of a very important Habs/Leafs tilt. The Habs get a point, they're in the playoffs. They lose, their fate is in the hands of the Flyers and Rangers tomorrow. Needless to say the Skip sits tense. Current score. Canadiens: 2. Leafs: 1.

The Dad has fired up a feed of the Frozen Four Final on the laptop, as we've managed to locate one on the interweb. Current score. Boston College: 1 University Of Wisconson: 0.

The Skip has just found and fired on the feed, and is watching on his iPhone. He is marvelling at the merits of modern technology.

Cathy, a starter on the All Eastern Hockey Mom Squad, has regaled us with first hand accounts of the Tigers' season and their incredible march in March to the Frozen Four.

Boston College holds their lead in Detroit. As the Habs hold theirs in Montreal.

I am eating a strawberry/rhubarb pie.

The Dangler sits in Rochester with his brethren watching the NCAA match and celebrating a great season with his squad. The phone has just rang. It's the Dangler. He must've tuned into this still unpublished Maniwaki feed via ESP-thernet.

Have just sent word to Muskoka via internet carrier pigeon. She's manning the Western
outpost, combing the slopes of Blackcomb and Whistler. She sends her support.

The Skip is in the kitchen chatting the Dangler, and unaware that the Leafs have tied the game. I eagerly await his return to the rumpus room.

Cathy: the Leafs just scored.

The Skip: [silence...] You know. Sports this weekend were not meant to be. From the game. To a baseball contingency plan. (permutations of potential visits to Chicago, Pittsburgh, or Cleveland or all of the above were assessed. Outcome. Following suit.) To Raptor tickets tomorrow being way too over priced. (another adventure to be documented soon.)

Cathy: When they pick they All East and All West team, it's unbelievable that there's no RIT players included.

Universal agreement. Atlantic Hockey is in the NCAA Division 1. The Tigers fought their way to the Frozen Four and earned their berth. Any talk otherwise is ludicrous.

The Skip: Yes!

The Dad: I gather, Montreal scored. I don't know what screen to follow. [places earphones back in]

Me: [internally] This so good for hockey.

Habs/Leafs 2nd intermission. Score. Habs: 3. Leafs: 2.

NCAA 2nd interission. Score. BC: 1. Wisco: 0.

Oaktown intermission. Time for another piece of strawberry/rhubarb.

CBC intermission. Grapes has just walked on the set of McClean, Milbury, Healy and LeBrun panel. Every one except McClean is visibly pissed that their segment has been hijacked by a guy sporting a far groovier jacket. McClean is just smirking.

The panel weighs in on the Leafs and gives a very disproportionate amount of airtime to a team that is last in the East and second last in the entire league.

NCAA. Two minutes in BC scores again. Score. BC: 2. Wisconsin: 0.

Ten seconds later. Leafs score. Shorthanded. Tie game. Skip curses. And writhes in his seat.

I am kind of amazed at the synergy of these two games. Yet not.


The Dad: 3-0.

Wow. BC is shocking and awe-ing.

The Dad: This is it. It's all over.

The Dad: Two goals in two minutes. 4-0.

The Habs. Pressing. But no go. 3-3.

The Dad: 5-0. Empty netter.

The Habs survive to OT. Get the point. Make the playoffs. Fans are standing and applauding. You'd think they just won The Cup.

"Ole" is being sung in the stands.

Me: How do you feel about making the playoffs by taking the game to OT? Against the Leafs.

The Skip: Not proud.

Phaneuf scores for the Leafs!!!! 4-3 Final!! Halak. Shaking head. The Skip. Unimpressed. Me. Laughing.

Last minute in Frozen Four.

3...2..1..0.0. Your new NCAA Division 1 National Hockey Champions: The Boston College Eagles.

The Dad: I never would've thought Wisconsin would've been shut out in the final.

Me: Me too.

Cathy: We took too much out of them.

Hockey is about focusing on the positives despite the outcome. So on that note, I will sign off from Oaktown HQ on Saturday Night with a resounding:

Yup.

Air Traffic Control

....Have landed safely in the Dot...Survived flight...Complete with mid aisle seat situated at the dead rear of the fuselage...flanked by screaming children...engulfed in a Calgary Stampede grade jet stream...landed with only one hop and few yelps from the fastened in flight crew...

...rainy...positive this is YYZ?...no mountains...losing hockey team...tragic basketball team...location confirmed...

...met by the Skip...drove down 401 to set up shop at Oaktown HQ...

...much breaking down of many subjects...accompanied by many Heinkens and many foodstuffs of the non cleanse variety...huzzah!...

...tomorrow we embark further down the 401...

...to meet the rest of the squad...And cheer on the Dangler in the Big Tourney...

...God Bless Our Journey...

Ouch

A few ugly incidents splattering the spectacle tonight.

1. The Expected. Ouch. And guess what? Some shaky goals. Maybe they should rest Bo-blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...

2. The Also Expected. Oh look. Win #1 of 146.

3. The Unexpected. Aïe!

4. The Just Plain Odd. Thunder Stix. Rally Monkeys. David Eckstein in 2002. And now this. Yeee-ouch.

5. The Downright Nasty. Now that's just plain mean.

The First Of Many

Holy fuck I don't what was worse. Last night's last minute nuclear meltdown. Or the Blue Jays punch in the face Opening Day.

From a damn near no no, to complete ninth inning collapse. Who was on the mound for the Jays. Roberto Luongo?

Oh yeah, and for just good measure this didn't help either. I know I will definitely not be able to handle 161 more of these.

Raise That Banner High...

Christ, I sound like a broken 7 inch. But this has reached a whole new level of ludicrousness and complete and utter inanity. When you let in two goals in the final minute to blow a two goal lead, there is no way in hell you can even fathom going beyond Game 4 of the opening round. And to think. The OT win we squeaked out solidified our second Northwest banner in as many years. Baffling.

Maniwaki MLB Preview 2010 - The AL

There's no sound coming out of the speakers and the stylus is skipping, so looks like side A is over. Let's pick up the preview platter, and flip it over to the B side where I'm sure we'll find a few potential #1 smashes. Rocking.

AL West

1. The King And I. You know what was nice? Walking downtown after a major victory, merging our gaggle of cats with about a million others and celebrating the win as like the Galactic Empire had just been overthrown. Now I realize that the Olympic Gold was was a win for the nation, garnered by a team made up of Canada's finest. But it still took place in the back yard.

And in a way, eased the sting of perennial disappointment not only in this city, and in the region. As I've written before no championship banners hang in the pacific northwest, save two from the NBA from the '70's. One of which is from Portland, hundreds of km's away. In these dense old growth woods, championships are harder to find than a yeti, so when the hope of one comes along...well folks get pretty excited. Just as much as if they spotted the actual yeti.

And looking at the Mariners roster this year, it's hard not to check the binoculars a few times to confirm a potential sighting. According to the field manual, this squad does show some sasquatchian characteristics indeed.

Do I think they'll win the World Series. No. But. Look at these identifiable markings.

The M's boast the most devastating 1-2 in the entire Bigs in King Felix and Cliff Lee. I can't even believe I just typed that last sentence. Last year there were roughly 400 strike outs between the two of them. And if my Maniwaki math is right, a combined ERA of 2.85. Lee was pitching in the NL last year, and yet his numbers weren't nearly as dominant as Hernandez's. However, he is going to play with purpose this year in Seattle, because he's on a mission to prove everyone out east wrong. That he shouldn't have been traded from Philly to make room for Roy.

And he hasn't forgotten how to pitch in the AL. He won the Cy Young with Cleveland a mere two seasons ago, and I expect a full return to form in 2010. Just look at him already this spring. The guy's playing with some gas.

The lineup looks a lot different. Sure Ichiro is still around. And Junior's back for another swing. But Branyan and Beltre are gone. And who's this? Figgy from Anaheim? Kotchman from "The Real 1B's Of Atlanta"? Milton freakin' Bradley??? Now here's a team that's willing to roll the dice to win. Already the pundititions are putting an "Idiots" spin on this group, and we'll see if it sticks. But one things' for sure. When October baseball comes back to Safeco and Bradley is on the sports page for coming through in the clutch instead of putting someone in a clutch, no one will be surprised.

2. The Mighty Cherubim Of Anehim. Look these guys aren't going away anytime soon. As with the NL West, the AL counterpart will be a race to the bunting. Sure Lackey's gone. Sure Vladdy's gone. But Godzilla Matsui is now in the DH and ready to terrorize the west coast.

And the rotation once again looks more than capable. Jered Weaver, Joe Saunders, Ervin Santana, Scott Kazmir, and Joel Pineiro (from Seattle). Aside from Santana's these guys' numbers look like biblical numerics. (Kazmir pitched half of last season with the Rays in the big bad East.) The western crusades will be bloody this season indeed.

3. Texas Is The Reason. that no one wants to pitch for the Rangers. It's just too damn hot. It's also the name of a pretty good band from way back.

Every year, I look at this lineup and just drool pools of chaw. Who doesn't want Michael Young, Josh Hamilton, Ian Kinsler and Nelly Cruz hitting back to back to back to back. And now throw in Vladdy for good measure. Every year I predict that these bats will bash their way back to October. But alas...hitting does not a squad make.

And when an 8-8 Rich Harden (and sure enough DL bound) is your new ace, you're just not making it out of the div. It's not like they haven't tried. The Rangers put together probably one of the sweetest packages for Doc, but guess what? He didn't want to play in Texas. It's just too damn hot.

4. Oakland F's. Ben Sheets how long will you stay healthy? June? Really? Ok then, who's picking up the slack after that? Dallas Brayden? A converted middle reliever Justin Duchscherer?

Ok, who's in the line up? Ken Kouzmanoff is hitting cleanup? With this? (.255, 18 jacks, .722 OPS) Holy fuck, should I call up Canseco to get you guys a little pick-me-up or what? What are the odds I see half of the A's roster playing catch in Nat Bailey in Single A short season by July?

AL Central

1. On Paper You Shouldn't Win. Yet every year, you make that late season push and squeak out another div banner in the final weekend. Sometimes it takes you an extra game, but you still manage to do it.

You have MVP Joe Mauer who's numbers are so scary last year I can't even repeat them here. (Just see for yourself.) You have local lower mainland hero and former MVP, Justin Morneau, who hits behind Mauer. You have a great manager in Gardenhire. Sure your staff looks a little underwhelming but whatever, in the end you'll exploit Detroit and steal another Central banner. I'm not even going to look at the Central standings until Sept 28th.

2. On Paper You Should Win. Yet you rarely do. What's the problem? Pitching? Your ace, Verlander, went 19-9 last year and posted 269 strike outs!! That's just cracking! Speaking of which, you have both Mags and Miguel freakin' Cabrera hitting 3-4!! Sure Granderson is gone, but you just added that speedy, crafty Johnny Damon.

In the rest of this sorry div, there's no reason you shouldn't have won last year. Or the year before that. Or the year before that. Or the year before..(oh that's the year you squeaked out a Wild Card win but booted everything around the infield in the World Series.)

Looks like the only Tigers that will be winning in Motown this year will be THE RIT TIGERS IN THE FROZEN FOUR NEXT WEEK!!!!!
(Which I'm attending in person. The Skip and I will embark on yet another epic adventure. This time through Southern Ont. Stay tuned.)

3. Chicago White Shorts. HA! HA! Because that's what we did when we pawned off Alex Rios to you. Ok the Jays dumped him outright and the ChiSox picked him up off waivers, but in doing so put themselves on the hook for his massive contract.

Enjoy paying him until 2014!!! HAHAHAH!! Want me to read the break down? No? Well I don't care here it is!

2010 salary: 9.7 million. 2011: 12 million! 2012: 12 million! 2013: 12.5 million!!! 2013: 12.5 million!!!!

You thought Ozzie's tough, no nonsense approach would be enough to get this prima donna off his perch and producing from the plate? You thought you'd be able to bring him in line???? Here's more news for you! You have AJ Pierzynski on your squad!!!! One of players most prone to antics in the entire Bigs!!! How did things end with Frank Thomas??? Why don't you go and do us all a favour and sign Jose Guillen and Elijah Dukes!!!!

AHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

4. All We Have Is A Guy Named Zach. And a guy named Jose Guillen. Ouch. Ok so Greinke's coming off a Cy Young campagin, and is poised to be the new Roy Halladay of the AL. A great pitcher on a not so great team. While closer Joakim Soria is lights out when he needs to be, there's really no one on the staff to put him into a position where he can garner more than the 30 saves he posted last year.

I looked at the line up but I feel so bad for the Royals that I can't even post it. It's on par with Oakland's. Maybe a shade better. Maybe. Let's put it like this. They have a guy that used to be a pitcher in the starting line up. And he's got a bad Ankiel. (sorry.)

5. Grieveland. Want to have a good laugh? Cleveland starters Fausto Carmona and Justin Masterson put up a combined 8 wins last year. Oh my. Want an even better laugh? The front office has just signed former National's manager, Manny Acta. Want to get mildly depressed? Mighty Grady Sizemore only hit .248 last year. Want to feel a bit better? He was injured for a good part of the year and only played 108 games. Want to feel even a bit better? Asdrubal Cabrera, Shin-Soo Choo, and Travis Hafner all hit over .300 last year. Want to come back to reality? Fausto Carmona and Justin Masterson put up a combined 8 wins last year...

AL East

Well, looks like we're landing. As always, when we hit the AL Eastern territory we set our watches ahead and count backwards from:

5. The Doctor Is Out. And so are we. Look, it's going to be tough to watch Halladay carve up the NL East and cruise to the World Series while we flounder like some beached perch at Wasaga beach. I know it had to be done, but that won't make watching the 2010 Jays any easier.

While I do think Alex Anthopoulos got as good a return as he could get in d'Arnaud, Drabek and Wallace and is wise to keep them all in the minors for now (although I can't wait for Wallace to move on up) it's going to be tough watching the Jays get routinely pummelled in the toughest div in the Bigs.

Beyond Ricky Romero, I don't know if I'll be able to watch any other starter without a six pack of Rolaids this year. I can't wait to see if we've harnessed the power of Brandon Morrow correctly, doing what Seattle could not, turning him into an effective fire balling starter that stays in the role. If Marcum stays healthy and McGowan comes back on time, and Morrow pans out who knows? But for now it's all just smoke coming out of a Dofasco plant. The "rebuilding" sign is going to hang on the Dome for the next few seasons. Ugggh.

At least it'll be interesting to see if Snider can start swinging consistently through the entire season, and if Aaron Hill and Adam Lind can repeat their exemplary plate performances of last year. It would be nice to see Vernon Wells get cracking again, and hey!!! Jose Bautista is having a great spring.

Ok, let's just move on, I'm grasping at concession straws here...

4. God Dam 'Dem! Yards. Will the Orioles post their first winning season since '97? No. But things are starting to look sunny in Baltimore. #1 overall pick and catching phenom, Matt Wieters, posted respectable and hence encouraging numbers in his rookie season. There's a little pop in the lineup, just not anything AL East worthy, as the team average was hovering around .270 last year. The lads can get to base.

It's the pitching that looks it's living in a crack house on "The Wire." This staff looks comparable to that of the Rangers. And oh look. Who's the O's ace? Kevin Millwood. Who doesn't stink, but who's not going to get you very far against the likes of The Big Two And A Half in the div. And everything after Milly looks positively patchwork. Hell, the Jays pitching looks better. Maybe I should switch rankings.

Nah, I'll keep it as the Orioles have got bigger bats this year. Nick Markakis, Brian Roberts, Adam Jones don't make me look stupid here.

3. T-Pain. So close. So very, very close. But this damn div. Put the Rays in the AL West, the NL Central or West and they win hands down. Put them in the AL Central and they barely beat Minnesota. Put them in the NL East and the Phillies still beat them.

The point is that this is a legitimate squad, that (like the Jays for many years) is stuck trying to consistently compete with the Yanks and Sox. Look, we all know the story. We're all sick of it. The powers that be have even proposed a floating division system to fix the problem.

Apparently Rays skip, Joe Maddon hates the idea. So do I. Here's a better idea. Salary cap. Look at what it did for the NHL. But that's another post for another day.

For the time being the balance of power in the AL East will remain with the Rays playing the role of the former Jays, knocking at the door for the next few seasons, but ultimately going nowhere near October. How will they fare this year? The same. And it's a shame.

Carl Crawford is in his last year. Guess where we'll be seeing him next season. Swiping bags in the Bronx. Probably even more than the sixty he took last year. Evan Longoria is just good for baseball. (.281, 33 grapefruits, .880 OPS) The guy is made for the AL East. Who is Ben Zobrist? How about just some guy that quietly hit .297 with 27 Dole OJ's, and a ridiculous .948 OPS?

Now the staff. Garza and Shields had sub par '09's, but rookie David Price looked lights out in his first full season. Wade Davis will do so this year. I look at this team and it makes me sad. Sad to see such an obviously great team, whose majority of players came through the system, who've been managed by an out of the box thinker in Joe Maddon, and who will not be able to make the playoffs because they don't have a billion dollar pay roll. The Rays World Series run of 2008 was a great story, but until a real fiscal realignment hits baseball, third is as high as they get.

2. The Billionaires In Red Stockings. Does it really matter any more?

1. The Billionaires in Pinstripes. Well does it?

Maniwaki MLB Preview 2010 - The NL

Dice sent me a text last night saying that he's getting really psyched up for baseball season. Which is exactly what I needed to hear to get me out of my winter's funk re: The Game. Some unbridled enthusiasm about MLB version 2010, as admittedly up to this point, I found myself avoiding the baseball sections in the feeds as if the e-pages were ridden with computer viruses and H1N1.

A variety of factors had contributed to my state of mind. Steroids Part XIV, Yankees/Red Sox Part MMIIX, the increasing disparity between big and small market teams, another woefully injured Jays' staff.

A Jays staff without Roy.

Yup, not a lot of joy in Maniwakiville for the big '10. But after Dice's text, I got to thinking, "Holy smokes, this is still baseball and there's still a ton of potentially, ludicrously amazing stories to happen on the field this year." Sometimes what a guy needs is some chatter from the field to get back in the game.

So as Goliath and Goliath are scheduled to kick off a new decade of MLB baseball on Sunday, let's turn our attention to the entire playing field and once again wager on the fortunes of the thirty grandest teams in this most grandest of leagues.

New decade or no new decade, baseball is a game of tradition. Thus here's the;

NL East

1. Doctor Doom. Is this div even worth breaking down? Is it possible for anyone except the Phillies to finish in first? Halladay on the hill in the NL will rival the power of Doom himself when he attained cosmic supremacy in the Secret Wars, briefly harnessing the power of the Beyonder. This is not even a question as the Doc will win 22 games this year and cruise to another Cy Young. I'm not exaggerating in the slightest either.

Also in this campaign look for Ryan Howard to play the Hulk and Jimmy Rollins to play Spidey. 'Nuff said.

2. Mr. Met. Yeah, I know their collapses over the last few seasons have been nothing short of epically stupendous (resulting in bounds of glee in HQ) but let's just read off this role call and see where we stand. Johan Santanna, Francisco Rodriguez, Jose Reyes, David Wright. Oh and now Jason Bay. On paper that's easily good for the deuce.

3. Bobby's Last Year. Man has this guy been around. I remember when Bobby Cox managed the Jays in the mid '80's and got tossed from a game. Then he skipped the Braves to something like 15 straight post season berths, netting at least one Series out of them. I'm sure Chipper and the lads are going to do their best to give him a good send off. And with Nate McClouth, Brian McCann and powerhouse Martin Prado in the lineup, not to mention Tim Hudson and Derek Lowe on the staff, they'll get him a pretty nice retirement watch. No rings though. Third.

4. Those Fucking Fish. As volatile as #4 starter, Chris Volstad. And #3 Anibal Sanchez. And #5 Nate Robertson. Dan Uggla shit the everglades last season (insert obligatory surname spin here) and I really don't see anyone in the lineup that's not named Hanley Ramirez to show up to the ballpark. Or anyone else for that matter. Reel in this squad and relocate them already.

5. District Of Calamity. My complete and utter disdain for this team is unyielding, unbounded and unending. In their inaugural season, I cast a curse upon them charged with so much vitriol and venom, that it rivals anything an eldery Romanian gypsy woman could concoct. Each year, I laugh at the complete and utter folly and failure of this team, as each year they find new ways to entertain and amuse me.

And this year is no different, as the baseball world is a buzz with the emergence and development of "once in a lifetime" top prospect pitcher, Stephen Strasburg.

Yet what the media has failed to recognize is the front office's uncanny ability to counteract any hope radiating around the pitching staff. I cackled maniacally when I sawthis. Wow. DC 2010. Good job. This might be their best blunder yet. I'll bet the President will pitch a better season than anyone on their staff.

NL Central

1. The Other Big Red Machine. Look the Cards have got it all. Pitching, bats, and a second baseman/leadoff man named Skip. What more do you want? Albert Pujols' name to never, ever surface on the steroids list? Me too. Until then, see you in the LDS.

2. The Big Red Hype Machine. Every year the pundititions proclaim that the Reds are the sleeper team of the NL and every year I laugh, and laugh and laugh. And then laugh some more when October rolls around and the squad's finished fourth in the Central. But this year no more. Dust off your "Nasty Boy" Dibble Jersey, and go hustle over to your bookie because the Reds make their move this year.

I know the numbers don't look like it now, but talk to me in mid August. Votto is going to build on a solid '09 while this newly acquired fire balling Cuban will be on the squad and a fixture in the rotation. It might not be 1975, but it's finally starting to look like it again around Cincy.

3. Mudville. You guys missed the boat again. Better wait another 15 years before waving the Wrigley wand and giving another illusion of competing. These latest Cubs might as well be the New, New York Mets. 2008's complete collapse in the playoffs signalled the end of any hopefulness surrounding the club. Last year's second place fin punctuated it. This year will solidify it. The lineup's #3,4, 5, 6, Derrek Lee, Aramis Ramirez, Marlon Byrd and Alfonso Soriano aren't getting any younger. Neither is Carlos Zambrano, no matter how fiery he is. Neither is Lou.

4. Old And Tired Milwaukee. Have the Brewers really signed Greg Zaun as their everyday catcher???? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Look, Zaun's best work these days is as commentator on Sportsnet during the World Series.

These guys are even more hopeless than the Cubs. In 2110, they'll be thought-casting how the Brewers have only made it to the post season four times in their existence!!! In '08 The Crew needed CC to pitch almost everyday to make the squad's second ever post season appearance. Now they don't even have Ben Sheets' stapled arm.

Past the Princely one, let's peek further down the roster. Jeff Suppan in the rotation? La Troy Hawkins relief? Trevor Hoffman closing? (Sorry Trev, but it's time) Jim Edmonds and Craig Counsell coming off the bench? I don't see the Brewers contending again until 2037, the time it'll take to clone and grow a full sized Sabbathia. Maybe another 5 while the league decides that clones are eligible to be signed.

5. The Blue Jays Of The NL. Houston is a young, rebuilding team with key injuries. Roy Oswalt should change his name to Roy Hobbles as he limps around the launch pad with a sore hammy. Leaving Wandy Rodriguez to lead the rotation on Monday? Yikes.

Lance Berkman isn't going to killing anything as he's sidelined as well, which leaves a bunch of unproven lads to scrape together their best. Which will amount to fifth in the div. Which also usually denotes last place, but since this is the NL Central, there's one last team putting their fingers in their mouth, perennially reciting this schoolyard swear word classic;

6. "I Was Born On A Pile Of Shit." Seventeen years since Sid Bream. Seventeen years since Barry couldn't gun him down at the plate. Seventeen years since the Pirates last winning season. The most optimistic thing any of them can muster is Andrew McCutchen stating that nobody on the squad is "looking over their shoulders wondering if they're going to be the next guy traded." Well at least they've got some sort of club house cohesiveness. Here's my new sabremetric for the Pirates, BUCSFUTLTY. Calculated by by this simple formula. (2010 = <.500 seasons x Year 18 / total seasons)

NL West

1. Dodge City. The question here isn't going to be will Torre's boys win the div but will they be able to get past the Phils in the playoffs? To which the answer will be again, no. The regular season however, will be a thriller as we'll get a bona fide race in the NL West.

This squad is built to win now, and with a solid line up and one of the best overall pitching staffs in the NL, the Dodgers will once again own the NL freeway. Save for Maniwaki favourite, Russell Martin, the Dodgers starting nine all hit .269 or over last year and while the staff boasted the best ERA in the National. Add a quality closer in Jonathon Broxton (who will be key in tight games in a tight div) and a more than competent manager in Torre and Alyssa will be jumping up and down in her seat all season. This is a good for baseball.

2. Eye Of The Tiger, Rock. The western contenders will once again be back this year, claiming another WC in the process. Todd Helton refuses to go away, bashing out a respectable 15 bombs last year while batting .325. In ten years I expect to see him grappling with Randy Couture in the Octagon. The Tulo monster of the mountains is poised to have another sasquatchian season building on his .297 with 32 boulders bashed of last year.

The back end of the rotation posted a ton of wins with three guys I've never heard of (Aaron Cook, Jorge De La Rosa and Jason Hammel) and if Jeff Francis has been doing his rehab in the UBC weight room, this staff looks serious enough to give the Dodgers a go. Oh yeah, let's throw in Huston Street in the curtains department, and September in the NL West is going to be more compelling viewing than the new season of True Blood.

3. Don't Call It 'Frisco. But call the Giants back in business. They have a big guy named Pablo who wakes up in the morning and belts horsehides all the way out to Alcatraz. They have a Cy Young winner and perennial candidate who contorts himself to such an extreme he looks like he should be floating via bullet time in the Matrix. And they have a former Cy Young winner, who became really shitty but who isn't as shitty as he used to be. They're back.

4. Rattle And Hum. I've had Stephen Drew as a back up SS on the Maniwaki Fantasy squad for years. And never once has he disappointed. Justin Upton has never suited up, but would be welcome, along with his .300 average, 26 jacks, and triple 8 OPS. Man, this div is so tight, I could plug any of the top four teams in at #2 and be fine with it.

Let's look at the hurlers. Holy fuck, here's where all the pitching went in the National League. Out west. #2. Danny Haren had 223 K's last year and Edwin Jackson went a respectable 13-9 with .362 ERA. Pitching in the AL.

The D-backs look legit, but ultimately the only reason they won't finish higher is because they don't have a closer that will be able to contain Manny and his ilk in the ninth. Oh and they also havethis guy.

5. The Monastary Basement. I still feel bad about knocking Trevor Hoffman earlier. And I feel bad that the Padres are going stink again this year. And that they've never won a World Series. And that Tony Gwynn Jr has to endure all of this while being expected to hit .497.

Their big off season acquisition was Jon Garland (who went a stunning 11-13 last year with 4.01 ERA and a whopping 109 K's) and is poised to be their Opening Day starter. And David Eckstein is their starting 2B. Giving it your all might be a great theme for an ABC after school special but it isn't going to be nearly enough for the Padres this season.

***

So there you have it. You didn't really have to read this far because the Phillies pretty much rule all of baseball this year. For that matter you probably don't even have to tune in tomorrow either.

April Fool

So Bob was on the Sportsnet giving a pregame breakdown something to the effect of, "....this is a potential playoff match up so we have to show that we're going to go into their building and show that we can beat them."

Current score: 5-2 LA.

Playoffs: two weeks away.

Gold Medal game: two decades ago.

Notions of reaching anything past second round: delusional.