The Kick That Tore The Fabric Of Reality

Still in shock. And then was called at an insane hour this morning to work as Johnny FBI agent on Fringe. Hey what the fuck, why not?

The script had the squad dealing with some extra dimensional, alternate universe shenanigans where actual buildings and skyscrapers were zipping in between parallel realities replacing each other. After watching the Grey Cup yesterday I wondered if I, along with the rest of my fellow provincial prairie folk hadn't made the same bizarre inter-dimensional jump. Where we were all transported into the Star Trek mirror universe. Perhaps even having to sport mandatory goatees, as the media and everyone else searches for "The Goat."

Well as any Sasky rancher will tell you, it takes more than one head to make a herd.

A full lament/recant tomorrow.

Week 12. Rider Pride.

Two teams enter. One team leave.

It All Ends In 2012

Ok, what's going on? Could it be that the old guy finally has had a change of heart? Has he realized that he's messed with The Game enough? I mean this is unprecedented. Two in row. First he says that he's not going to expand upon instant replay (despite a massive swell of rabid maniacs citing umpire miscues this October.) Then he says he's definitely stepping down in 2012, no matter what.

I mean, is the Death Star smoldering, beams falling and computers sparking, as Darth Selig lays by an Imperial MLB shuttle, battered and finished after a long campaign of evil? Only to be redeemed and finally turn back to the right side of The Game?

I don't know. Are these parting gestures actually honest or does Bud's departure really confirm Mayan prophecy and end of history as we know it?

The Revolving Door

Fuck me, Team Maniwaki fanstasy squad is hurtin'. Just when I finally get a healthy slate, Looch tweaks his ankle, Hemsky goes for an MRI, and Pascal Leclaire compounds his "lower body" ailment with a puck in the face while sitting on the bench.


Eyiiie yi yi...

Is it me or are nasty injuries up this year in the league? Looking around at my competitors rosters it seems that they've suffered the same fate, as the benches and infirmaries keep filling up, signified by the dreaded "DTD" or "IR" in bold red lettering.

Even suspension season seems to have started early with George LaRaque getting pinched for five and even ol' nice as Quebecois meat pie, Danny Briere, getting served up two. And there's a few more that kicked things off that I can't remember right now.

So seeing as the entire NHL in 09/10 seems to have reverted back to 1975, the question I'm about to pose to all applicable fantasy GM's is this:

How long do you think that you'll be trumpeting the return of Marian Hossa?

Half a period?

Vancity PD Blues

Ok, how about a break from blue, blue Blue Jays land?

Hey! The Canucks won another one! With Hank at the helm! I missed that shit as I was playing police guy in TV copper land. Come to think of it, when was the last time I posted some match footy? Let's check out the highlights then, as apparently Bob had a stellar stop.

Mac Is Back

Wait a minute? Johnny Mac hit .258 last year? While I'm not doing backflips, it is a marked improvement from his dismal .210 a year before. And his defense...blah, blah, blah you've heard it all before.

So seeing as I need a break from the Holiday Halladay Give Away, let's take a peek at how Johnny Mac's 09 stacked up against the rest of his career.

Well. A career high 4 bombs. A dreadfully low 13 RBI's. 2 steal attempts, both chucked out. And a sub par .271 on base.

Yikes. Now I know you're saying to yourself. The same thing you've been saying for five, "If only he could hit. Why doesn't he take the extra BP?"

And I'm definitely among those voices. (I mean not only did I see Johnny Mac hit a grand slam at Safeco in '06. I called it in the fourth.)

Let's play pretend for a second, and imagine a world in which Johnny Mac breaks out in 2010.

1. He hangs out with Randy Ruiz in the off season and catches the same form of hitting virus that lays dormant until one's early 30's.

2. He spends way more time in the cage in the spring rather than polishing his Rawlings.

3. He has a hot start in April, securing an everyday spot and moving into the lead off position.

4. He becomes a steal at 1.5 mill, wins the Comeback Player Of The Year, as well as a Gold Glove by helping lead the charge along with Roy past the trade deadline and into October.

....


Holy smokes. This is what it's come to. Delusional fantasies to off set bitter realities....

A List Of Fuck Off's

1. To New England based ESPN and the rest of the Red Sox Nation who have a sense of entitlement in acquiring Doc.

2. To the Yanks for having more money than a guy named Bill Buffet Of Brunei.

3. To the Blue Jays front office, who have repeatedly thrown the classiest player in baseball, post- Cal, under the bus so many times. And are doing it again with these desperate, thin, attempts to brand Halladay as walking out on the team.

4. Wait a minute. Nix the ESPN crack. Buster Olney seems to be the only guy to have broken this thing down credibly.

5. To the Angels and their stupid Aybar and rally monkey.

6. To the Commish. Ahhhh... just because we haven't thrown one out for a while.

Late Pride Is Better Than No Pride At All

Hey look! The Road Warrior is on! Holy fuck it's last half hour where Humungous and Co. storm the refinery. And look at that feral l'il fucker go with that boomerang!!!

With this classic high octane, post apocalyptic, gladiatorfest in mind, let me announce that I'm officially jumping on the Green and White wagon as the Riders literally destroyed the Stamps in the West Final yesterday at Mosaik Thunderdome.

Seemed a little odd to see the game played in Sasky, amidst a roaring field of green, and I couldn't remember ever seeing a playoff game at home in my lifetime. So I wasn't surprised to find out she hadn't happened since '76. Christ that's pre-Star Wars. Definitely a different era.

Anyways as I only ever seriously tune into the CFL when the Riders make the West Final, and seeing as the victory was as lopsided as Humongous vs a gnat, for the next week I'm hollowing out the water melons and stocking up on cases of PIL and rings of garlic sausage. Favre who?

See you next Sunday. Go Riders.

Week 11. Enough Shit.

"It could've been us!!! They could've hit the CN Tower!!!"

- a quote from a Torontonian, aired on CBC, during the September 11th attacks.


Not, "Oh my God, the World Trade Centre has just collapsed!"

Not, " Oh my God, they've just hit the Pentagon!"

Not, "Oh my God, are we at war?!!"

Nope. In the land of little brother syndrome by the lake, a sentiment which often radiates from the region was summed up succinctly with, "It could have been us. We're a big city too."

Now is it a tad strong to use this example to demonstrate the inferiority complex felt by many Torontian's in comparison to their American urban dwelling counterparts? Perhaps. But for whatever reason this quick quote always stuck with me as I think it says a lot about a general consciousness that hovers over the golden horseshoe.

And. If I may put on my tweed jacket and retire the to the Maniwaki arm chair, pulling out that great psychological text of the ages, "Classic Psychology - Wikipedians Edition ", may I scan to the passage that resides in the definition of inferiority complex. Which states;

"Unlike a normal feeling of inferiority, which can act as an incentive for achievement, an inferiority complex is an advanced state of discouragement, often resulting in a retreat from difficulties."

Now which office do you think that sign should be hanging in?

[Score yourself 2 million Maniwaki points if this just passed through your mental real estate.]

To view the actions of the Jays front office over the last year has been nothing short of stupefying. We've already had to suffer through the Cirque Du Ricciardi through the summer and his clown-with-burning-pants routine surrounding the Halladay situation.

But weren't things supposed to get better after he got doused with the proverbial water hose?

More accurately. What the fuck are Alex Anthopoulos and Paul Beeston doing? A few weeks ago it seemed like A.A. was on the right track, rebuilding the scouting system, while deciding to do what Ricciardi should've done, by just shutting up about Roy.

Which, I admit, was a very welcome overture. But one which of course could not last, as the shell shocked front office, who either consciously or subconsciously positioned themselves back behind the big blue 8 ball, actually admitting that Doc wants out of the Dot.

Not that I want Halladay to leave this off season, (or after next year for that matter) but these clowns couldn't drive down his trade value anymore if they dressed him up in Yankee pin stripes and paraded him down Broadway. Beyond comprehension, but typical of a front office with systemic validation issues. The problem, I have come to realize is bigger than Ricciardi.

So what do I prescribe, from my lofty, far removed, west coast sanctum? This. And it doesn't include meds.

1. Hold Onto Halladay. Oh my god, I can hear you screaming all the way from Etobicoke. "We'll get nothing for him if we don't trade now." Look. I say you'll get nothing for him if you do trade him now. Back in the summer, Philly didn't want to part with their top prospects to land the best pitcher in baseball. Ask yourself if a rookie GM and his bumbling buddies are going to secure a stunning deal from the likes of the Dodgers, Cubs or Angels. Ask your self if AA sat across the table from Theo and played for all the chips, who is going to cash them out?

2. FUCKING GO FOR IT. Jays fans have been hearing for eight years about how "next year will be the year that J.P.'s five year plan will finally come into focus." What happened to 09 being the bridge year to 2010? Now you're telling me I have to throw that out the Dome and gear up for another 5 years? Without Roy? You're saying this with a straight face?

A rotation of Roy, Romero, McGowan, Marcum and Litsch doesn't sound bad to me. Maybe they can make that Overbay trade. Maybe Snider has a better sophomore year. Maybe Vernon takes a few extra practice hacks in the off season. You never know. I'd rather go for it now than have to sit through more "rebuilding" years.

If it's mid July and we're light years out of it, then fine. Trade Halladay out of the division at the deadline, get what you get, and then rebuild. I would be much happier with that. Honestly. Because there is no way he's getting a fair return this winter. And I want what I've been told for eight years. That this Jays squad is going to be the one to bring back the bunting.

The only way to break this cycle is to build confidence. Build character. Build me a big bad Blue Jays squad for 2010. With Halladay on the hill.

I Can't Stands No More

Ok. This. I cannot handle anymore. Tomorrow. An address.

Across Town Tally

Whatevs, coming off a shitty road trip. We just trounced the top guns of the Northwest for the second straight meeting. Caught the first period downtown in which Bob and the boys let in two early goals. But by the time the I made'r across the bridge to meet Dice, she was tied.

Just as we stepped into the Cactus Club (and many, many lower mainland stereotypes), Hank put us ahead. By the time I finished my first pint we were up by two.

And when the Cajun chicken burger arrived.... I could've asked for the check. Now that's some good home cooking.

[cue next cliché]

Help From Hollywood

So as free agency approaches, and Roy seems all but prepped and on the slab, the lads over at DrunkJaysfans.com have reported that the front office has the grizzly sized gall to raise ticket prices for home tilts next year.

Where does a guy even begin?

Baseball is losing me by the millisecond, and it seems until a competent Commish is in place and a salary cap structure is adopted, we might as well be looking at a veiled English football relegation system in baseball.

The lone bright spot being the last half hour of "Major League" that I just happened to catch. And just right as they're about to start the one game playoff against the Yanks. 20 + years later and I still love this film. Ceranno's rant to Jobu followed by subsequent blast. Willie Mays Hayes' mad dash around the bags. Wild Thing. Taylor's point/bunt to score Willie and win the whole thing.

Just awesome. I don't care how plausible it is. (The Skip has refuted the final play for years stating, 'No way an aging catcher with bad knees beats that throw.') I don't care how Hollywood it is. This flick still holds the sparkle.

And I get the feeling that I might have to watch it in it's entirety when free agency really kicks into full gear. More than once.

Elisha You Ain't...

So apparently Carrie Underwood and Sens sniper, Mike Fisher have got something going? After this interview on Ellen, all I can say is where is Sean Avery when you need him?

The Swedish Connection

So Naslund is lacing them back up to play with Forsberg in Sweden? And they're both playing for not even a single krona? Now this sounds like a story worth keeping an eye on.

What happens if the Modo tandem light up the Swedish Elite League? Does Gillis make another trip over to make a pitch before the deadline? I hope so.

Then what happens after that? Does Trev come out of retirement as well?

Monday Morning QB Ticker

Some randomness from over the weekend to chime in on.

1. Belichik Blows It. For whatever reason, I had the game on last night, and was expecting the obligatory Brady-fest, unaware however, of the Colts undefeatedness this season. Glancing over with about a minute left in the fourth confirmed my suspicion as it was 34 -28 Pats.

Turned around to continue on with some menial task, turned back and slipped off my non slip soles to the fact that Peyton and the Colts Co. were celebrating on the field as Belichik looked like he wanted to crawl inside of a bottle of Rebel Yell.

How did this happen? As I found out later, apparently Bill went to seal the deal on the now infamous guts gamble late in the fourth. And although I'm not a Pats fan (or really an NFL fan for that matter) I say good on you. Sometimes you just have to go for it. Fuck it. If it blows up in your face than at least you committed and you flamed out in fine form.

The only other noteworthy play in recent memory that I also stood behind was Mike Scioscia's move to try to squeeze in the winning run in last year's ALCS. Totally backfired but was a damn fine "fuck ya's all" call. And I hate the Angels.

2. Bosh And The Boys Blow It. Also had some of this game going last night as well. While I don't watch a ton of hoops, I have to say that every time I tune into to either Nash or the Raptors, I'm always left asking, "Why don't I watch the NBA more often?"

And playing against each other? Man...I was conflicted as who to root for. Never mind soccer, this was the beautiful game. T.O, seemingly in command late in the fourth, saw their lead dwindle. And never mind Brady. Watching Nash QB the comeback, (in one instance driving to the net with a Grade 9 lay up) was simply too much. The Raps eventually Belichiked out as they had possession for the final few seconds and then tried to shoot from the perimeter to win the whole thing at the buzzer. But no go. 101-100 and it's always sunny in Phoenix.

Still though. Had to give it to them for going for it.

Week 10. Ouch.

Really hung over. Have secured tickets to Women's curling though. And Latvia/Slovakia prelim tilt. Yup.

Let's see what's going on in the Favre show right now.

Well. Look at that. He won again.

Oh big deal though. Detroit.

"I Am A Patient Boy..."

tap. tap. tap. tap. tap...

[picks up Reader's Digest]

tap. tap. tap. tap...

Never Mind MLSE...

That's right bitches!!!!! Maniwaki waiver pick up of the year, Matt Stajan, comes through with 2 points siphoned off Kessel just as planned!!!! Brian Burke who???!!! Fantasy domination is immanent!! First my league!!! Then yours!!! Then the office next to yours!!!! Then your brother in law's from the Maritimes!!!! Then the President of the Czech Republic's!!!! Then the Mayor of Watrou....

The Numbers Game

Woe is the road. 3-8 out of the Garage, and exactly five hun at 10 -10 on the season. That these stats are of typical and predictable mediocre variety that Canucks fans are accustomed to.

The shocker stat is this one from between the pipes:

Leading the sqaud in Goals Against Average: Andrew Raycroft at 2.19

Perhaps the Maniwaki fantasy scouting department should ear mark this folder.

A Pause From The Spectacle

I've been trying to figure out what to write about all day, and really I just can't bring myself to write about the sporting spectacle.

I'm watching a PBS documentary right now about Iraqis Vets as they tell their war stories while getting tattooed. Just unbelievable. The stuff these guys have seen.

So with this in mind, we're just going to take a pause and reflect on the courage and sacrifice of those in the service, regardless of the political mechanisms governing their deployments.

...

Decisions, Decisions

I. Looks like the baseball brass has gotten together in Chicago to try to outspend each other on the likes of Kevin Gregg and Ronnie Belliard. Seems like they took looked at the instant replay footy of instant replay to decide if it should be expanded. This would usually be grounds for a heart attack.

However unbelievably, and despite an unprecedented amount of blown calls this Oct, the Baseball Gods decided to reach down from on high and intervene devinely, granting each of the 30 GMs clarity and wisdom. Hence no more nonsense. I'm still in shock.


II. Unfortunately the Hockey Gods opted to stay in their ethereal clubhouse preferring to drink PIL, thus letting the idiots run amok to play with their polygons.

Get In The Van

Back from the Kootenays. Let's see what's been going on.

1. Stay Classy Wayne. So the Great One shows up in the the dot for the Hall Of Fame inductions and true to form, deflects all Coyote controversy as best he could. Maybe they should've inducted him again.

2. Nash Makes His Case. Who needs Shaq? Not this guy. After driving across the province today, I couldn't help but appreciate the sheer magnitude and majesty of the marvels of this province. It continued when I got home and turned on the Sportsnet as well.

3. I Hope AI Doesn't Quit Basketball. But I do hope he quits the godawful Grizzlies.

Week 9. Not Any Given Sunday.

Where on one of the chillest days in recent memory, I was enlightened as to the intense competition that exists in the "friendly flag football" of the Nelly Football League. Getting the post game over pitchers and wings, I quickly became aware that hippy passivity is not all that dwells in these Kootenay foothills. In fact quite the opposite as the stories of bone crunching hits and TD taunts rivalled anything that I'd usually see on the Sunday Sportsnet. So as the playoffs are approaching faster than ski season, the Mauler must put its money behind the Hourglass squad to go all the way. Do us proud. We're putting a couple of sawbucks on you.

The Mountain Comes To Maniwaki

Tell you what. Poaching an interior mountain by hiking up a good portion of it, and hitting a jump over and over is definitely a good first ride of the season. After a long absence from snowboarding, Muskoka not only regained her form but found a new affinity for sliding switch. Her dude and our mountain guide, Jeff, navigated up the face, gave us some back country basics and threw down a great three off our mid mountain launch. And I, having sworn off riding this season after a nasty crash in my kitchen, spun completely 180 and caught the nasty virus going around B1MB1, more commonly known as the Big Mountain Bug. I am anticipating trips to Whis this year being definitely far and few in between.

The Wagon Train West

I dare you to find me a more Canadian picture than this. Muskoka and I, moving from her summer home in Kanninaskis, to her winter home in Whistler, the best of the hip blaring on the iPod, snowboard gear in the back, eating a Tim Horton's sandwich, as a flock of Canadian geese flew overhead. Just as we were about to enter the pass through Kootenay mountains. I don't know which meridian it was, but it was a good'er.

Packing The Preserves

Ok, so let's move on. The big news. I'm flying to Calgary today where I will meet with ma soeur, Muskoka Molly, who has been manning the reso desk in Kananaskis. We will then proceed on an epic wagon train adventure through the Kootnenays spending some time in the quaint mountain retreat of Nelson. If weather and reception permits, expect to view mobile updates from our Great Canadian Trek. I fully expect to encounter Wolverine from the X-men and go toe to toe with him at the local saloon matching shots of "Golden Wedding."

Also, since we are travelling through grizzly country, I figured I should post the latest antics of the ridiculous organization that was once housed in our General Motors Garage.

You acquired him to inject life into your lame, lame squad, tell him he'll start and then put him on the bench? Really? Hey, Al, there's an empty stool at the bar in Nelson if you want to ditch practice.

The Devil You Know

So in the end the black was black and white was white as the Empire struck back and restored its oppressive order to the baseball universe.

Pettitte pitched profoundly whilst Giuliani sat in the stands, Matsui bombed his way to MVP whist Jeter made his own case, Mariano came in to "Enter Sandman" in to get the five out save and the Commish made the obligatory awkward trophy presentation to a Steinbrenner. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...

Oh sorry, there was one difference. It was A-Rod's first World Series win. So I guess that's what makes 27 so special. Next.

All Is Well On The Western Front

Well look at us go. Ryan Kesler and the Keslers managed to hold the wily Gaborik and Co. to one goal whilst we put up three. What's even more surprising is the solid play of our back up, Johnny Raycroft, who aside from one massive hook show has inspired more confidence in this guy than Captain Bob himself. Suddenly we're only four points back from first place, playing over their head Colorado, and things seem right again in Maniwaki country.

For now...

Game 5 Late Inning Play By Play

Ok this is starting to get scary. Game 5. Top of 9 and Posada has just got a lead off double. Time to get to work.

Godzilla's up. And he looks mean. And sure as shit he's just singled. Runners at first and third. 8-5 lead for the Phills. Barely. I'm losing my shit.

Jetes. I'm just waiting for Mr. November. You know it's coming. This game and Series is as good as over. I'm not typing anything else until after the jack. Holy fuck he grounded into a double play!!!!

Posadastill into score and it's 8-6. This game seemed to be a Philly blowout just half an hour ago.

Johhny Damon. The catalyst from last night. Called strike 0-2. Damon's fucking smiling. I'm waiting for the obligatory haircut he's about to give Citizen's Bank Park. This Madson has just evened the count at 2-2. Looks like more of just a trim as Damon singles up the middle. One on.

Tex Up. Will Johnny steal? Of course he will. Will Madson lose Texiara. Of course he will. Will we see Brad Lidge soon? Of course we will. Will the 2009 World Series soon be over?

Nope. Tex swings. Strike 3. Back to the Bronx.

Big. Fucking. Whew.

Week 8. Bizarro Be Gone.

Looks like the universe has finally had enough of up being down and left being right so it's hit the cosmic reset button (and on Nov 1 no less) as proven by the following:

1. Brett Favre Dominates At Lambeau. Ok, sure he's playing on a different team, but the result is what one would expect from the multiple MVP and retiree.

2. The Empire Strikes Back. The pinstripes were the pinstripes. Mariano was Mariano. D Jeets was 2 for 4 with a run and a rib, and A-Rod knocked in the go ahead run in the top of the ninth.

I know what you're about to say. "Wait a second. This is all stands up except for A-Rod getting a huge clutch hit." Not so. Here's why:

3. Brad Lidge.