Maniwaki Mobile - Live From HQ

Techie trouble.Will weigh in tomorrow on the Mighty Canadian Mind
Buster that was game 1.

Bad Day In Baseball

At the beginning of the fantasy season, I had a ton of players on my roster and not enough slots. A common problem in many fantasy leagues in many fantasy sports. So what does one do in such a scenario? Dump the supposed mediocre players to create space for the potentially better ones.

And who made the Maniwaki mediocre list to make way for Indians outfielding sensation Shin-Soo Choo?

Zack Greinke.

And who immediately got scooped up in 4.3 seconds during week 1?

Zack Greinke.

And who is the first pitcher in the bigs to go 5-0 (destroying the Jays tonight in the process)? And who leads the AL in K's and just had his ERA rise to 0.50? When it was previously 0.00?

Zack motherfucking-i-can't-believe-I-dropped-him Greinke.

Ouch.

Second Round Slate Set Pt 2.

Ok, looks like we're all set now, as a couple of crazy comebacks have set up the Eastern second round. Let's take a look at what just happened with:

1. The Caps/Mets. I am convinced that someone in Boston sold there soul to Satan in the late '90's or early 00's. How else can you explain the string of majour sporting championships won in Beantown in the last decade? In addition, how else do you explain Brett Favre, the recent multi-year collapses of the Mets, the Yanks post 2000, and now the Rangers crapping out of round one, after going up 3-1? Who do you blame for that? Avery? Tortorella? Sully from Southie, who finally decided about 10 years ago, "Ahhhh faaaak it! Where's that guy with the harns and the contract? I'll take this one for the team..."

2. Devils/Hurricanes. What the fuck just happened? One second Marty Brodeur was cruising on his way to yet another step in yet another Stanley Cup run, and the next he's sitting in the crease scratching his helmet as Eric Stall and company dance around because the Hurricanes have just scored two goals. In the last two minutes of regulation. In Game 7.

Then again, New Jersey is next door to Manhattan. And maybe Sully's spirit broker doesn't like the Devils infringing on his name.

Second Round Slate Set

So the West got sewn up tonight as Chicago bounced Calgary and Anaheim upset San Jose.

Re: the latter tilt, talk about an upset. Thornton got so choked at the prospect of yet another first round choke, he even dropped the mitts with Getzlaf at centre ice on the opening face off. But to no avail. Even though the Sharks did lose, I've never seen a team so desperate to avoid elimination. Maniwaki points all around for effort.

But enough about other squads! Our new opponents are lined up and in our sights. Time to throw away the hunting license, become poachers and take aim at the Hawks.

Game 7's

A few forced today, and possibly a few more to cap off the first round. Let's assess.

1. DC/NY. Can the Rangers recover from going up 3-1 only to have practically every member of their organization handed a suspension, coach included? Simply put... not a chance in MSG. And since Game 7 now moves back to Washington, and Ovechkin has found his swing, if the Caps don't win it's probably because Bettman hired Tim Donaghy to ref the match.

2. Raleigh/NJ. All I can say is thank god it's gone to game 7 so whoever emerges from this don't care series gets bounced early in round 2. Which provided both teams playoff history, probably won't happen. But here's hoping. Best case game 7 scenario? It goes to octople OT, until Brodeur decides, "fuck it, I'll do it myself", and fires the puck at the Hurricanes net only to have it intercepted by Rod Brind'Amour who slaps it back past Marty. Brind'Amour then collapses in his Cooperall (recently re-issued in a tribute to the Whale) only to proceed directly to Boston four hours later. Where the Bruins play shinny for the next four games and await Pittsburgh in the East Final.

3. Chicago/Calgary. Hate to say it, but the beer isn't going to taste so great on the Red Mile after Game 6, as the Hawks will be making the trip back to Chicago getting prepped for round two, and not Game 7.

4. SJ/Annaheim. Thornton scores! Wow. Better get used to it as we're sure to see plenty more. Especially in Game 7.

Vengeance Not Now

So the Battle Of Pennsylvania was decided this afternoon, with Pittsburgh hoisting the state championship banner. Here's why this series is good for hockey.

1. They All Give A Shit. I've seen recent attendance stats coming out of Boston lately. 94.7% full. For a team that won the east, that was taking it to their oldest rivals in the playoffs. Nay goot. As ridiculous as the sea of orange t-shirts at the Wachovia Center are, with the even more ridiculous slogan, "Orange Crush" printed on them are, Philly fans are just as fanatical about hockey as they are about everything else. This is good for the playoffs.

2. Mario For Mayor. Remember in the days before Sid, when the Pens were always last in the league, Mario was battling Hodgkin's and every day seemed closer to their inevitable sale to a guy named "Boots" who was ready to move them to Kansas? Doesn't that seem like a really bad movie or something? Yet somehow the script got spun into an Oscar as the Mario saved the squad, got the stadium deal done, Sid rolled in, Malkin surprised everyone and everyone happily cruised to The Cup Finals last year.

3. The Broad Street Bullies Belong In The '70's. Oh sure, the Flyers play physical. But could you take any more stupid penalties? Especially with Sid and/or Malkin on the power play?

4. Speaking Of Sid And Malkin. Just scary good. Most likely they will garner writing credits ala Lennon/McCartney for this and last year's Cup runs.

Hopefully we see some more of this interstate madness in the next few post season brackets.

O Where Have You Gone

[lights cigar, pours bourbon, laughs]

5 Strong

Ok, the Jays won it's fifth series in a row to start the season, knocking of Texas tonight, 4-2. The last team to do this was the Giants in 03, and the last AL team to do it was the Mariners in 01.

Both squads went to win their respective divs. SF got bounced in the first round by the Fish, and the Mariners fell to the Empire in the ALCS.

Just saying.

Earth Day Ticker

...Finally. A series. The Flames were up 4-1 last time I checked and now she's 4 a crack in the third. Not that I want Iron Mike's squad to advance, but I do want everyone else to kick the shit out of each other and go to Game 9 whilst we heal like Wolverine. And then slice and dice our way passed each end boss....

....Finally. Not a series. Hate to say it, but Le Saison that was not to be is finally over for the Habs. When I tuned into Chara and chums cycling the puck in the third on a 4 minute power play, up 4-1, I just wanted the seconds to tick by faster and stop the bleeding already. I know it sucks. But its for the best....Really...

...A couple extra frames. Shades of the Flames as the Jays squandered a 7-3 lead on the Texas Rangers, going into the 11th tied 7 a crack. But who came through to save the Jays and the planet, but Captain Idiot, Kevin Millar, who singled in the winning run...

...Looks like Kev might've joined the Calgary squad as well to spread his Idiocy as the Flames just scored to go up on the Hawks 5-4...Jarome Who?...

...Roll the dice in fantasy and get burned...Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow....

HONK!!!!

THAT'S RIGHT!!!! CANUCK WIN!!!! CANUCK WIN!!! WE SWEPT THE BLUES!!! FIRST SWEEP IN CANUCKS HISTORY!!! BURROWS SCORES IN OT!!!! BURROWS FOR PREMIERE!!! THE CITY'S GOING BONKERS!!! HQ IS COMING APART AT THE SEAMS!!! THE MOBILE LINES ARE ALL LIT UP!!!! THE DOG IS RUNNING AROUND BARKING LIKE A BUFFOON!!! I'M SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS!!! THE CITY IS SCREAMING BACK!!! IT'S BOUNCING OFF ALL THE BUILDINGS AND ONTO THE STREETS AND BACK!!!

WE WIN!!! CANUCKS WIN!!!! ALEX BURROWS THE CHAMPION!!!!

0-FOR

0-for-3: games played / games won

0-for-3: power play goals / power play opportunities

0-for-20: number of players who stepped up when it really counted

0-for-100: percent chance of the Habs winning this series

Oh-for: fuck-sakes.

I feel like I'm going to throw up.

- the Skip

Above .500

Winning feels good. It really does.

For years I've bemoaned the burden of rooting consistently for not one, but two .500 teams. Many rants on many occasions over the last few years have revolved around a similar theme. I root heavily for two squads. Two that have many maddeningly close similarities. And two that kept me on the edge, year round, constantly teasing me with the hope of better things to come.

These two squads, I have followed religiously, yet predictably they have provided me a predictable outcome.

Until now. For the last few years I've been telling my compadres that I'm going to do a post regarding the year long forced march that is the following two .500 teams. But I always put it off. Instead I'd rather write about how they're lighting it up in their respective big league sports.

1. The Jays. Is it 1989? I don't know but it sure feels like it. A homegrown squad, skipped by Cito himself, is bashing its way to victory every single night. Even the young unproven arms are proving themselves when no one thought they would. The young Blue Jays bats of Snider and Lind are setting bashing their way to put the Jays atop of the AL East. Early in the season, yes. But still sitting on top. The A.L. East.

2. The Canucks. Just got back from the pub from watching Game 3. A match in which we came back from 1-0, on the road to win. It's to the point where I expect a win out of them, and we're sitting at 3-0. The conversations around town consistently, yet hesitantly, eye up the East and scrutinize who we're going to meet in the final. We often catch ourselves getting way ahead of ourselves, and get back to the series and game on deck. But we're keeping our eyes open.

Bottom line. I never did write my "Rooting For A .500 Squad" post. And happy I didn't have to.

Maddon Maneuvering

Ask me how much faith I have in the Jays.

"How much?" you ask.

Ok! well let me tell you!

I have so much faith in the Toronto Blue Jays thus far in 09 that as the Rangers are coming to the Dome next week for three games, I am placing Ian Kinsler (hitting .476 on the season, cracked for the cycle last week, and oh yeah, has 4 swiped bags to boot) and Nelson Cruz (tied for second in jacks smacked on the season at 5) on the Team Maniwaki fantasy bench.

AND I am replacing them in the line up, shuffling it up, to make room for Marco Scutaro (.326, 4 bombs, 10 RBI's, 15 Runs) and the old war vet, Scott Rolen (.326, 2 bombs, 5 RIB's, 9 R).

Why am I doing this? In years past this would seem like absolute and utter recklessness and imbecility. However, I am so convinced that when the hot hitting Rangers run into Roy and the rest of the RogersDome, they are going to cool off considerably in the Canadian climate. And then proceed directly to Baltimore right after (which I know sounds laughable, but it is April in Camden after all) where they will continue their hitting hardship along the chilly AL Eastern trail.

Hell, I might even put on my old horn rimmed glasses and tell Roy to intentionally walk Josh Hamilton with the bases loaded.

Maniwaki Screening Room

Wow. What a Game 2. Sounds like a sequel to a successful run of box office smashes. The game even ran like a big screen action feature released on the May long. So with this in mind, let's revisit some of Hollywood's best and worst films by describing tonight's Canucks/Blues first round tilt.

1. The Usual Suspects. Hank, Dan and Burrows. Combining for five points and this goal so raw and gritty, it could have had its own sequence in Tarantino's "Grind House."



2.Mats-imum Overdrive.Maybe everyone around here will finally shut up about how Mats isn't earning his keep and hasn't scored in 15 games. Here's some news coming off the broadband. He's a veteran, a leader, and has a ton of playoff experience. Not to mention a Gold medal with Team Sweden. Who are team kind of resembles. And let's not forget. Kesler didn't really turn into Kesler until he started playing on the line with Mats.



3.What About Bob? I'd say he's doing just fine.

The Maniwaki Curse Continues...

[Lights cigar.  Laughs...]

One Down...

...fifteen more to go. As Ryan Kesler chimes in from the post game bike on the Canucks Game 1 "W". And you know what that "W" stands for?

Wheeewww....

Talking about setting the tone. Luongo was lunatic throwing down one of the sweetest kick saves early in the first after whichever random St. Louis forward fired from point blank. And he didn't stop there. He backstopped a key 5-3 penalty kill, and did pretty much everything else you'd expect him to aside from throwing up an invisible force field in front of the net ala the Invisible Girl from the Fantastic Four.

We needed this win as it was pretty much like a Game 7. The Blues have been playing play off hockey for a month and are just happy to be in the post season. You know that. I know that. They know that. We on the other hand, have home ice, and are expected to go a tad further than the first round. If for example, in an alternate universe, Luongo didn't make that first save and we didn't capture this first game, I expect that GM Place would have installed its own Green Monster as the rink would be reminiscent of Fenway pre 2004.

Do not underestimate the power of the towel. Like the Fenway faithful had to realize with their 04 Idiots that they must stick with the lads through thick and thin, Matsui or not Matsui so must the lower mainland contingent. A soft goal goes in? No big deal. We give up a short handed goal? No problem. Pass me another Rickards. A hot goalie not named Luongo steals a game? No problem we'll steal the next one like Dave Roberts sliding into second.

Ok. Friday. We reconvene.

Wheeewww....

The NHL Playoff Preview Post 09

So Ronnie Bigtime and I were shooting the hypothetical puck around the ice, breaking down the playoff picture as the dance cards get punched tomorrow. Both agreeing that Gary Bettman must be drinking Jamesons Irish Whiskey straight out of the bottle and dancing a jig in NHL HQ due the unbelievably compelling slate, we weighed in on each match up. The following is our collective analysis:

1. The Rivalry. Montreal and Boston in the first round? Tell you what. The playoffs are here. While on paper, the Bruins should finish this thing in 3.5 games, you can never underestimate the Canadiens' ability to don the proverbial pinstripes and play the Yankees to the Bruins' Red Sox. But the question remains. Is 09 going to be the B's 04? Will Tim Thomas staple his pads to his shins for Game 7 to keep his tendons together? The verdict. As ridiculous as it sounds, the Canadiens do in fact add notch up series win #4000 against the Bruins and send them home looking like Winnie The Pooh

2. The Marquee Matchup.What's with the roving spotlights and red carpet? Are we at the Oscars? Might as well be as Alexander Ovechkin will eventually be strolling down Broadway with the Caps to face the Rangers. Holy fuck who let Sean Avery past the velvet rope? And what's up with those glasses? They definitely won't be helping his squad reach the next round. Caps in 5.

3. Two Big Tough Fucking Squads. Calgary and Chicago. And how these Canadian punditoids have called for Calgary to take this is beyond me. The Flames let the NW title slip away, are totally banged up, and have a suspected Nazi as a head coach. The Blackhawks are big, tough Chicago throwbacks who aren't afraid of anyone. Oh, and also have the Toews and Kane tandem. And maybe a tommy gun or two. Chicago in 6.

4. The Battle Of Pennsylvania. Ok. Some differing opinion here. Bigtime (a big Philly fan) is convinced that Mike Richards and the 09 Bullies have got the edge with their brashness and boldness. I'm convinced that the rock star Pittsburgh squad will claim state supremacy. Lyrics by Crosby/Malkin. Nonetheless, who ever holds the keys to the keystone state will be doing so after Game 7.

5. The New Rivalry. Hardcore hockey in California? Who would've thought? But the Sharks/Ducks rivalry just keeps getting more heated by the season. And 09 should definitely add a new verses to the Cali battle hymns. Or should I say bro hymn? When you've got Pennywise blasting after every goal and pro skater Mike V blogging for your squad you know making the right moves in the marketing department. Never mind the Leafs and Sens...Tie Domi has retired and this year the Battle Of Ontario is going to take place on the golf course. Meanwhile George Parros is lacing up for the Ducks and not shaving. Nary a clue as to who's going to emerge victorious, SoCal or NorCal, but one thing's for sure. These two squads are going to kick the living shit out of each other.

6. The Old Vs The New. Literally. Detroit is falling apart and Chris Chelios is actually gearing up. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that he was playing on the Original Six Red Wings when there were only six teams in the league. Datsyuk, Zetterberg, Lidstrom..blah, blah, blah, you've heard it all before. Columbus on the other hand has that Steve Mason kid in net and the entire Blue Jackets organization is dancing around Alex P. Keaton's house that they're finally in the playoffs. Prediction? Experience beats exuberance. Detroit in 5.

7. Yawn. Well I know what I won't be watching one period of. New Jersey and Carolina. While Bigtime has been stressing for weeks the quiet resurgence of the Hurricanes since the re-acquisition of Erik Cole, he is also quick to point out the overall health of the Devils and the perennial solidity of Martin Brodeur. As I am not interested in either of these teams it thus has become apparent that who ever wins this series will most likely go to The Cup Finals just to piss me off. However, Ronnie did offer this intriguing scenario. Brodeur vs. Luongo for The Cup. Wow. I think I just shit in my mouth.

8. The Two Hottest Teams Since The All Star Break. I have never been so thankful for a 10 game losing streak. I'm sure it's still fresh in the lads' minds. As is the complete ownership that St. Louis has seemed to have over us for the past few seasons. Except this one.

Two hot goalies. Two teams with multiple scoring lines. Two unbelievable records since January. Bigtime says that our D is going to have their hands full with the high flying Blues offence. I concur. I say that they're not going to be able to stop Mats, Kesler and the Twins. He concurs.

While I am slightly concerned about Keith Tkachuk, I am confident in the veteran leadership in the GM Place dressing room. Yup, better get out the ear plugs if you don't want to hear me belt out Slayer style blast beats on the skins again because I am making the claim here and now. Mats is our man. And God help the guilty.

Bigtime thinks we'll get'er done in 5. But I know better. Canucks in seven, long, excruciatingly, painful, edge of your seat, ulcer inducing contests.

God, I love the playoffs. I think.

Easter-n Bias

The Canucks need to win The Cup. That's right. I said it. And as the obvious reasons are quite obvious for a compelling Canuck campaign, another has surfaced.

Eastern bias. And holy fuck, is it really starting to grate on me. Over this holiday weekend the Bunny brought everyone in the lower mainland an improbable and amazing Northwest Banner. I was pretty happy to find the tasty playoff treats hidden around the house. The aforementioned banner hidden behind the couch. Home ice advantage in the closet. Two healthy and formidable scoring lines on the kitchen counter. Alex Burrows and Ryan Kesler drafting up playoff battle plans at the kitchen table.

Not that the rest of Canada would be remotely aware of the Canucks cinderella run to top spot of the NW slate, and how, back in January, such a feat would've only seemed possible in the Twilight Zone. As watching some the eastern feeds all weekend, they apparently just woke up to the fact that the Leafs are now polishing their Top Flights.

Example #1. HNIC Coach's Corner on Saturday. Hey Don, while you're ranting and raving about Burke and Wilson not being on the same page in Leaf land, we just planted the flag on the highest peak in the NW West that afternoon. Guess you couldn't have at least mentioned Hank's bizarre goal to seal the deal or him and his bro's play, seeing as they are Swedes after all.

Example #2. HNIC Post Game. A montage of clips of the likes of Dany Heatly, and Pavel Kubina lamenting on how they're disappointed that the imminent Sens/Leafs tilt is meaningless with no playoff implications. Holy fuck, try watching this from beyond the boundaries of the 905/416 and try giving a fuck.

Example #3. TSN Front Page. Wow. Let's take a look at Luke Schenn. Isn't he something special? He won the Leafs team mvp of the year. One day he's going to lead the Leafs to the Stanley Cup. How about try leading them to the Stanley Cup playoffs first?

Hey we have Mats Sundin on our squad? Shouldn't that count for something?

Maniwaki Mobile- West Coast Express

[the following is a recreation of yesterday's post that was apparently lost in the e-ther]

No Nazzy, Morrison, and Bert this time. And thank god, as the playoffs would be as slow and painful a death as the bus that I'm riding, the source of the former line's namesake.

100.

..points on the season. In a division clinching final game against the Avs. While the NW banner hoistage became official entering OT, the hockey gods decided to send the lads a bit of the ever cliched "puck luck" with this lunatic, luckiest of bounces to send them into the extra season.

WE'RE #8!!! WE'RE #8!!!

C'est incroyable.

I never thought it would come to this. Honestly. A season that started with so much promise. Bob Mackenzie, Pierre "He's a Monster" Maguire, and an entire host of other prognosticators calling for les bleus-blancs-rouges to take the east in convincing fashion. A city hosting the All Star Game primed and ready to explode for a centennial season celebration.

And then this.

There we were last night, celebrating after an OT loss. We managed to get one stinkin' point against the mighty B's to hold the Florida Panthers at bay. The FLORIDA F'N PANTHERS, for godsake.

Really? We're supposed to celebrate this?

I suppose we can look to a number of reasons as to why this has happened. A minor sophomore slump by Jesus Price, typified (and perhaps enhanced) by his all-too-hasty return from injury to start le Match des Etoiles in front of the home fans. Thomas Plekanec's abject failure to harness the power of his turtleneck and recapture last season's form. Robert Lang's brittle achilles tendon. Questionable leadership from the captain(s). The Georges Laraque signing. Locker room strife leading to Carbo's unceremonious exit from behind the bench.

And all of this from the top of my head. Give me five more minutes, and I could give you five more reasons.

Bitter as I may be, I must look to the small graces that give us the slightest smidgen of hope for the upcoming tournament.

Mathieu Schneider disproving the premature reports of his "season-ending" injury. The emergence of a first line combo that actually scores. A rejuvenated power play. A seemingly new mentality over the past couple of weeks. Alex Kovalev's generous gift to the First Mate and me (which we're officially taking advantage of on Saturday).

Here's hoping for at least a bit of a run this spring. I do believe that Washington is beatable, with only questionable secondary scoring and the fact that Jose Theodore is their goalie. Would anyone bat an eyelash if he was to let in six goals in the opener? I'd say no.

That said, if Les Boys are to make any kind of a splash over the coming weeks they're going to have to grab their collective sack(u)s and want it more than they have all year. When we get back from Florida next weekend, I expect this "oh I'm sure things'll work out eventually" attitude to be gone.

It's gotta happen.

Like now.

Lest my blind faith in you from earlier in the season (that's now going to cost me) be for naught.

- the Skip

Célébration Du Canadiens

So the Habs did indeed avoid disaster in their centennial season, clinching a playoff spot by skating into OT against their long time rivals and probable first round match up, the Bruins. While I am happy for this Original Six feel good story in a such a tumultuous season for the Canadiens, I am even happier to make the following claim:

Sure I'll have that mimosa, made with some of Florida's freshly squeezed finest and '67 Dom. And of course I'll have that Belgian chocolate croissant. And what's that? A tray of fresh fruits de mer? Well,I just couldn't...well maybe a little lox then...and ok...a few prawns as well. I just don't want to get too full before tying into the imminent fête du crêpes. The question remaining should I go sweet or savoury?

Well that is quite a quandry to have as victory is both oh so sweet, and definitely to be savoured.

Early Season Snippets

As mentioned yesterday the archaic LG has been command central in this early MLB season. The following is an abbreviated transcript between Dice C and myself re: the opener the other day.

Dice: Feels good to have baseball back.

Me: Sure does. Let's hope this lineup can hit some shit.

[Wells and Rios both hit and reach base.]

Me: So far so good.

Dice: Lind/Snider should be good. Sad staff though. I don't like Purcey or Richmond.

Me: I predict Carlson will be our closer by June.

Dice: Like the Tallet classic stash.

Dice: I gotta remember it's a long season. Carlson has an arm like a cannon.

[Snider cracks his first jack of the season.]

Me: Wow. So happy I protected him.

Dice: Youngblood.

[Lind goes yard.]

Dice: Holy fuck. I gotta get that guy back on my team.

[Detroit starts to make a comeback.]

Dice: Shouldn't jinx the game with all the rampant texting.


And maybe he was right. Although the Jays did hang on to win the opener Monday, and came back after a BJ blown save yesterday, today the the lads' luck finally ran out today as they dropped the third game 5-1. Miguel Cabrera finally woke right up from his long winters nap and bashed two bombs off Litsch. And the lineup didn't hit shit tonight as they managed only six the whole game. We'll see how Romero does tomorrow in the finale and his first Major League outing.

Also. Want a good way to kill an evening? How about a free preview of MLB TV? With every single game on? Holy smokes, getting to scout every player on Team Maniwaki Fantasy squad = definitely good for baseball. Tonight's top prospect. Nelson Cruz cracking two over the Arlington fence. Looks like he's coming off the Maniwaki bench next week.

I just love the first week of baseball.

Maniwaki MLB Moblity

Plenty of baseball afoot. From coast to coast. My archaic LG phone has become command central as plenty of potential pool analysis and maneuvering is being conducted via the front office/ text function. In addition to this electronic print being received and transmitted, also coming in are live recon shots of the 09 Jays and their opposition straight from the Rogersdome.

My friend Jackie (who from now on will only be referred to as 'The GTA Contact') occasionally provides first hand accounts of how the lads are faring. After yesterday's grandest of openers, she was in the stands today and yet again, was witness to another walk off. This one courtesy of Rod Barajas sac flying to let Bautista (Jose...don't worry, not that other guy) trot home from third.


"Mobile to HQ. I'm in position. Awaiting 9th inning dramatics. Stand by..."

So Far, So Good, So Huh ?

Now that's how you start a ball season. Doc issuing a walk only to get the next guy (Polanco) to ground into a double. Then getting Mags to pop out.

Ok, not too surprising.

But what about the damn near entire line up getting up to bat in the bottom of the first?

Rios drawing a two out walk? Wells following up with a double? Who is this Manny and Papi?

Then Rolen getting plunked to take first. Lind doubling in Wells and Rios? What?

And Lyle Freaking Overbay starting the year off with a double to score Lind and Rolen?

Admittedly Justin Verlander is having a rough go of things, (but we all know for a while now that the entire staff has as well. See the preview.) but so far I can't say I have one complaint about 09. 'Nary a one

Oh look. Maniwaki outfielder, Travis Snider, kicked off 09, and his first ever Big League Opener, with a double in the second.

Ok. Blue Jays.

Look Vic...

...I know it's only opening day for you and the defending champs. But if tonight's 0 for 3 performance at the plate is any indication as to how the season is going to go, you're going to make me loathe the fact that I had to draft you first even more. Let's be going a solid 3 for 5 every game with a bag swiped.

Maniwaki MLB Preview 09 - The AL

Ok. You know the drill. Let's stick on the west coast and flip leagues. Crank the Dre, pass me a blunt and hit the hydraulics as we roll through:

The West

1. Polish The Emeralds. Looks like the last few seasons in Seattle have finally taken their toll on Ichiro as he's starting the year on the DL, with a bleeding ulcer. And, how can you blame him? Times have been tough over the last few seasons. But no more as (I can't believe I'm actually writing this, but yes indeed) the Mariners will win the div this year in the new League To Beat.

Well it's sort of the League to Beat, as the acquisition of a few quality pitchers by any organization will drastically shift the balance of power in the West. There is no arms race in this div. And there is a drastic need for one. But the AL West will be the most interesting race to October in the Bigs in 09. Believe it. The M's boast the best staff on paper. Yet over the past few seasons their hurlers have been only mediocre at best. Erik Bedard spent most of 08 on the DL. King Felix didn't live up to his regal billing, going 9-11 (on a terrible team mind you. He still k'd 175).

However, leave those pages in the dark chapters of Pacific Northwest history books, because 09 brings new hope back to the Kingdome.

er..Safeco. As the true King of the Northwest has come home. And don't brush off the impact this will have on the city for a second. Yes, Ken Griffey Junior will walk the royal red carpet out to centre field for the opener on Monday, as roses fall from the Safeco stands and Pacific Northwest poet laureates hail his return. All will be seemingly set right in Seattle. After this re-inauguration however, he will take up his new role as a DH for the rest of the season, where he will guide the squad to AL West glory once again.

Now I've never been the biggest Junior fan. Don't get me wrong. I don't dislike him, he's been a phenomenal player, despite the injuries of course. But one thing is for certain. Across the border they love this guy. I'm sure the fish mongers in Pike Place were slapping each other with ocean mackerel when they heard the news of Junior's return. The impact he will have in the locker room, just on sheer presence alone will, will spark the rest of the squad to try and recreate the mid 90's. Jarrod Washburn will walk onto the hill and go, "Wow. They're not knitting in the stands. They're actually watching! And they're actually cheering!"

Endy Chavez will no longer have to resort to Cirque Du Soleil type contortions in the outfield to garner attention. He will step to the plate with the confidence that he is on a championship squad, with the city solidly supporting him.

Richie Sexson will be nowhere to be seen, and hopefully the front office will show some more sense and do the same with Miguel Batista. I cannot stress this last point enough.

It won't be an easy run, by any measure, but as the leaves are looking to turn orange in fall, they will certainly stay green for a few extra weeks.


2. Don't Mess With. Josh Hamilton and the Rangers. I'm not kidding, these guys will beat you senseless. A lineup that pretty much all bop over .275. Two MVP candidates in Kinsler and Hamilton, and some wild cards that could pay off and win you a fat stack of chips in 09. Outfielder, Nelson Cruz has suffered from King Felix syndrome in Texas, not panning out to be what he was believed to be. Yet.

And Andruw Jones who severely sputtered in LA has found a hidden man behind a drain pipe and has an extra life, now coming off the Rangers bench. Watch him shoot fireballs at some fucking Troopa when he steps into the box. He's having a solid spring, and the pressure is now waaaayyyy off trying to justify his hefty contract. A resurgence is not out of the question as he's only 31. And I'm sure having Hamilton around to watch at bp won't hurt either.

The problem as big as the state itself is the state of the staff. Just terrible. When you're team hoists one of the worst team ERA's of last year and your opening day starter is Kevin Millwood, I'm going to say that a fresh arm or two couldn't hurt. Just saying...

3. Billy Blunder. Oh look at Mr. Moneyball. He just went out and signed Matt Holliday, Jason Giambi and OC and now thinks he's going to waltz into October, bunting and a new book deal and all. All the pundititions seem to think so, calling the A's the Reds of the AL, branding them as the Dark Horse Of The West. Tell you what. That sounds like a title you'd throw in your X-box. Or some stop motion Tim Burton film that took 15 years to make.

The A's look like what the Rangers already are. A team with big bats and very questionable pitching. However never mind Holliday not batting in Mile High stadium anymore. He's hitting in a real league with real pitching (aside from his own div of course. Will someone show me one legitimate staff in the West? Faahhk...). Josh Hamilton can pretty much walk into any American League yard and tattoo a ball with the same skid flames that are inked onto his fore arms. Will Holliday be able to answer? I'm saying nay. And I'm also saying that Giambi will be scratching his head wondering where his cans of spinach went. Oh look he just went 0 for his last 20 this spring.

Sorry Billy. Third's as best as you can buy in this economy.

4. About Time In Anaheim. K-Rod? Gone. Mark Teixeira? Long one.2002? Might as well be 1002. While I've finally found a legitimate ace in this div, Joe Saunders, it's just not going to be enough. The recently acquired Bobby Abreu, is still a dangerous hitter in his mid 30's, but as with the theme of this div, he is not Josh Hamilton and the Angels are not the Rangers. Also Vladdy has battled knee problems. So if Vlad and Bob are both healthy and it's 2004, and Hamilton's off cooking up a batch of crank in some basement, the Angels win this div hands down. But it's not. Blame Celebrity Rehab. And Jesus.

The Central


1. Obama Time. Look what I found! A team with pitching! And good news for the President as his wild run over the last two years is going to be continue with the Central Crown being won by the Chi Sox in 09.

As we leave the west we find a staff that boasts Mark Buehrle, Gavin Floyd to start and Bobby Jenks to close. So far so good. And like a well balanced wine, we find the robustness of Carlos Quentin and Alexei Ramirez, to compliment the pitching. While the Chi Sox don't have the best line up in the AL or even in the Central, they have enough to get the job done. And if they don't then I'm sure Obama will dispatch some secret service into the opposing dug outs at US Cellular just make sure.

2. The Minnesota Octuplets. Now that's a scary thought. If that Angelina wannabe chick was sitting in the dugout, talking on the bullpen horn to get Nathan warmed up. Maybe she would try and adopt Justin Morneau. Maybe he'd go running all the way to Fargo, North Dakota.

Another solid year from the Twins. Just like last year, another back and forth between them and the Chi Sox until the late weeks of the season. Expect another compelling campaign from Justin Morneau but he seems to be the only bright spot in the Twin Cities. The Joes won't be able to get'er done as Crede is on the decline, and Mauer is a catcher with bad back. Also don't believe all the fantasy hype surrounding outfielders like Carlos Gomez and Delmon Young. I did last year and got finished three places out of the cellar.

3.The Real Sleeper Team Of 09. Well smack me with a pine tar bat and call me George Brett, if the Kansas City Royals haven't finally broken through. The youth movement of Alex Gordon and Billy Butler will finally pay off, while the surprising starters Gil Meche, Zach Grienke and capable closer Joakim Soria will hold down the hill. While this squad won't be the Rays of last year, they will be the feel good story of baseball this year and might even be the inspiration for a Disney script. Just imagine, the hardened and ever cantankerous Jose Guillen, being handed a Burger King crown from a child in the stands. He places it on his head, and decides that a lifetime of throwing bats and fist fighting management has gotten him nowhere. He then proceeds to catapult 40 boulders over the castle walls while swiping 40 sacks of loot. Tell me that's not a straight to dvd heartwarmer.

4. Wild Thing and Cyrano. Ok maybe Cleveland would fare better this year if it had the hardcore hurler and voodoo priest outfielder, but instead they'll have to settle for Cliff Lee and Grady Sizemore. Hey, that's not too bad at all. Lee won the Cy Young last year and Sizemore is a number 1 rated outfielder who smacked 33 bombs last year. However that's about it. Sort of. As Korean Shin-Soo Choo shows promise to take over for an ailing Travis Hafner. Like last year, Lee's amazing record will be unsupported by the rest of the Cleveland staff. Carl Pavano is the number 3? Hasn't he played for like every team in the Bigs and half of the squads in the Korean League?

5. The Detroit Lions. Ok, well maybe not that bad, as the Tigers will at least win a game, but probably not many more. And I think their run in 06 was a steroid laced aberration. But not one that they were aware of. I believe that then-Mayor Kilpatrick, spiked the taps to the Tigers locker room with HGH in an attempt to boost city morale. Then after things got heaty in City Hall and he was charged with an felony assault, he turned these taps off. How else can you explain the drastic decline in production of the pitching staff? Prior to Kilpatrick taking office in 06, Verlander, Robertson and Bonderman all stunk up Detroit worse than one of the big 3's auto factories' smoke stacks. Then magically became the Atlanta Braves of the 90's. And now suck again since Kilpatrick resigned. Watch for the Maniwaki expose on 20/20 followed by the feature film starring Russell Crowe.

The East

As tradition dictates, in ascending order:

5. "O Lord, Fix Me." If the title of this traditional spiritual doesn't describe the perennially and absolutely, dire, dire, destitute situation in Baltimore than nothing can. This team has not had a winning record in 12 seasons, and the biggest hype surrounding them is their prospect catcher Matt Wieters, who's starting 09 in AAA. Should the very angry and very former Jay, Gregg Zaun, go down with injury or excessive bitterness (to his exit in T.O.) Wieters will get the call.

Their big bat is Aubrey Huff who crushed 30 bombs last year, but is streaky. Brian Roberts is coming off some weird respitory infection. He's probably become allergic to the Orioles after breathing the stink that's surrounded the squad for so long. Nick Markakis looks to be the only bright spot, as he hit .306 last year and banged 20 over the Great Wall Of Camden. But despair will most likely get the best of him too as he will round the plate in June after hitting his seventh one run shot, collapsing in a pile of apathy and futility while the rest of the team sits on the bench reading Miguel Tejada's imminent book on steroids entitled, "Cheating For Nothing - A Oriole's Tale."

Looks like Cal has been working on a new record. Going the most consecutive days in a row without keeling over with his own bleeding ulcer. Now that's an Iron Man. Buck up Ichiro.

4. OK! OK! Fourth Place! Fourth Place! So much to say. So little time. Trust me you will have a full season of Jays analysis in these e-pages, so for now I'll just try and condense my ranting into quick snippets.

What makes me happiest about the 09 Jays? Kevin Millar making the squad. Escaping from wretched Baltimore, the Jays brass decided to keep the original Idiot on the Big League roster. He is the club house clown, not only cracking wise and keeping everyone chilled out, he managed to crack 20 jacks last year in miserable, sorry, sorry, Baltimore. Move of the year.

John McDonald. I implore you. Take extra batting practice. I know you can hit. While sitting in the Safeco stands in 06, I called the only grand slam you've hit in your entire career. Do us all a favour and get off the bench already. Be a starter. Hit .260 and I'll do backflips. These young pitchers need your defence for 9 strong, game in, game out.

Speaking of which. Ask me how I feel about every starter that pitches after Roy. Answer. Not comfortable.

Speaking of Roy. Ask me how I fell about Roy asking for a mid season trade. Answer. Considerably more uncomfortable.

Speaking of trades. Ask me how I feel about Roy getting that mid season trade and Ricciardi getting the equivalent of Randy Johnson and an unproven starter in the Giant's system or some such other highly ridiculous package. Incredibly, disgustingly, uncomfortable. Like I'm sitting in a smoldering room, on a chair made of hypodermic needles, only to have the fire sprinkler go off and spray lime juice every where.

Travis Snider. Wow. I just made a miraculous recovery.

BJ Ryan. Not that miraculous. The rehab stint could take a little longer than expected.

Cito lambasting the Rocket. At least things will be entertaining this year under the Dome.

3. Will You Ever Learn? The Brothers Steinbrenner should really dig out some old sociology texts from NYU and take a refresher on Karl Marx, rereading the passage, "money is the root of all evil." I don't care how much of a splash they made in free agency, they have NO SYSTEM. None. Save for Joba, and now he's finally landed in your number five spot fresh off a DUI charge.

Let's take a peek at these big names to don the pinstripes this offseason:

CC. I feel so sorry for you. I really do. You were pretty much asked to start daily last year in Milwaukee to get the Brewers to their first post season birth in 25 years. And you did it. And by the time you pitched in those playoffs you ran out of gas, and your arm just about fell off. I don't blame you. I just feel bad that you signed a 7 year multi million dollar deal in the biggest pressure cooker on the planet, and sure enough come June, you'll be asked to save the staff again. Why?

Because AJ Burnett is not going to be pitching this summer. Every Yanks fan on the planet is deluding himself immensely if thinking that AJ is going to repeat last year's performance. Sorry. Last contract year's performance. Sorry. Last contract year after he had Halliday to mentor him on a daily basis for three years performance. What's that sound you ask? Well it's the sound of my laughter travelling back in time from mid June 09 as I've just heard the news that AJ's hit the DL with a sprained earlobe and will miss the remainder of the season.

Mark Teixeira. Ok here's a solid signing, I'll give Hank and Hal that. Tex definitely puts some pop in the pinstripes of an aging Yanks line up.

But looking at the rest of it what do you see? Jetes and Posada, who aren't getting any younger. Same with Matsui. And oh my god they signed Nick Swisher!!??? I wonder if they'll make him choose only one hair colour.

And I haven't even mentioned that Joe Torre is sitting and laughing like a hyena with Manny on the bench in LA , whilst Girardi will be on Hank's hot seat all season long. And then there's that A-Rod guy.

Don't plan the parade this year. And definitely don't plan on the play offs. Again.

(I love typing that.)

2. The New, New York Yankees. Yup. Red Sox Nation sure has replaced the Empire that's for sure. After Red 5 and company destroyed the Death Star in 04, the Jedi Order has slowly been rebuilt only to face new younger threats in the Galaxy.

And how does the New Republic fare in 09?

Like guardians. Let's sum up.

While the Yanks staff is the best on paper, the Red Sox staff is the best in actuality. Beckett, Lester and Dice are top shelf in any Beantown bar. Papelbon is now the best closer in the AL (now that K-Rod has skipped over to the Mets) and the bull pen is solid as well.

Batting we have...

Dusty, Papi, Youk, Bay..? An MVP, an icon, a madman, and a BC basher. Just nasty.

The New Order definitely plants deeper roots this year as the Sox will battle for first again in the East, earning the Wild Card but ultimately falling to the new rising power;

1. The Real Deal. I am not kidding. Now here's a textbook example of good drafting. Pirates front office take notice. Yanks as well. While the Red Sox have done a stellar job of stocking their farm system without high picks every year, the Rays have shown what those high picks will get you.

Evan Longoria, BJ Upton, David Price. Last year's division title and trip to the World Series was no quirk in the balance of power in the Easter bloc. The addition of Pat Burrel from the Phills will not only add some of the veteran leadership that Troy Percival was a big provider of last year, it'll put another 30+ smashed grapefruits on the board.

Manager Joe Maddon's 9=8 philosophy of last year should translate over to this season as well as he's proven himself to be one of the premiere skippers in the Bigs. Often drawing fire for controversial moves, (I love last year's loaded bases intentional walk to Josh Hamilton) Maddon has shown that he's studied the game for a while and has the guts to implements his own system. The guy even looks like he toured the west coast, playing in punk bands for years, before turning to baseball.

While the staff doesn't boast a bona fide ace like CC or Roy, they are solid 1 through 5. Which in the long run is better than having Cliff Lee and four guys that you routinely sacrifice for batting fodder.

Believe it. The Rays will be in another heck of a scrum for Eastern supremacy in 09, but when October rolls around the Tropicana faithful will be hanging their second consecutive Div Championship Banner from the Dr. Suess catwalks.


So there sits the slate of the AL in 09 after the 162nd game. Hey, why don't you to grab an overpriced beer hunker down in the Maniwaki bleachers and join us in our heckling? It'll definitely be loud. And it'll definitely be often.

Maniwaki MLB Preview 09 - The NL

So it looks like they opened up that new stadium in the Bronx. Got a little preseason contest on the tube right now between the Yanks and the Cubs. The Yanks are being the Yanks. The Cubs...well....

Let's take a look around the rest of the National League. As tradition states, we begin in:

The East

1. The Phinalists. Look, I know what you're saying. How can I not pick the Mets? Well, we'll get to that in a second. For now let's just remember that the defending World Series Champs reside in Philadelphia, and will indeed once again win the East. Although Cole Hamels is out for a stretch with an elbow problem, and no 3 hurler, Jamie Moyer is approaching retirement age, the staff last year showed that they could be solid 1 through 5. Especially in October. While their rotation is no where near the Mets on paper, it is savvy enough to hold the ship together like Han Solo kept the Millenium Falcon from flying apart in Empire.

But let's talk lineup. Here's the real reason why the Phills finish in top spot. Ever see Unbreakable? Where Bruce Willis survives the horrific train wreck on his way home from Philly only to find out he has super powers? The Chase Utley, Jimmy Rollins, Ryan Howard nucleus is just as indestructible. Hell, you could put even insert superpowered, security guard Bruce to bat after Howard just for good measure.

But actually never mind the line up. Here's the real reason the Phills will win the NL East crown. Shane Victorino. I can't stand this guy. He drives me up the wall. I don't what it is but he seems like that yappy guy on the other team that you would play as a kid that you would just hate, and everyone would want to beat him up. Maybe someone would even throw at him. But it wouldn't matter. He would always get on base. And then say something else completely inane and grating when he reached first.

Victorino looks like he drives some insanely lowered yellow Civic with rims and neon light piping, who blasts terrible house music as he cruises down the street. Looking for ladies. Yet, all he did in the WS was hit and get on base. And all he did in the WBC was hit and get on base. All he's going to do this year is hit and get on base. Don't ask me how I feel about having to draft him first on my fantasy team this year. I might be forced to grow bad pencil thin mustache.

2. Not Again. Yup. I don't care if your rotation says Johan Santana at number 1 and Livan Hernandez at number 5. I don't care if you went out and spent a ton of cash signing Seattle closer, JJ Putz to be the set up man for the also recently acquired K-Rod. I don't care if your lineup boasts Carlos Beltran, David Wright, and Carlos Delgado playing in a contract year. You can build all the new stadiums you want, but in the end you're still the Mets and you will still shit the East come September. It's karma for '86, and you probably won't be done burning it until 2030.

3. That Big Empty Stadium That Has Two WS Banners. You know what scares me? Is that the Marlins have only made the post season twice in their existence. And both times they went all the way. You know what else scares me? That this div is going to be so tight, that the Fish will be in contention for another post season trip. And no one will watch all year, until the end of August when it looks like they could win the East.

As I try to pay as little attention to this Loria owned franchise, the current fantasy draft has brought the names Ricky Nolasco and Cameron Maybin to my attention. Nolasco is a number 2 starter who went 15-8 last year with 186 K's and Maybin is a 5 tool center fielder from the minors who is being touted as a future 30-30 man. With the youth movement going on down the road in St. Pete's it wouldn't surprise me if next year, I'm typing this squad in at number 1. And then slitting my wrists with an empty can of tuna.

4. Glory Days. They'll Pass You By. Last year I traded away Evan Longoria for Roy Halladay and Chipper Jones in my pool. Chip at the time was hitting damn near .400. Then he went on the DL leaving me fucked. Then he went to the WBC this year in T.O. and bitched and complained about having to spend a week in the Dot. Then I proceeded to dump him off my roster. I don't care if he hits .700 this year, he's going to wind up on the DL again and the Braves are still finished. Yes, they signed Derek Lowe, but when even Smolz leaves the Braves you know the jig is up.

5. Ha. Ha. Ha. Go on. Make me laugh for another year. Your former team president is a crook. You even out did yourself by throwing millions of dollars at yet another notorious club house cancer, Adam Dunn. You better hope Obama doesn't stick to his promise of cleaning up Washington, because you'll be the first to sit in front of a Congressional hearing. Christ I'm surprised you didn't ask for a bailout yet.

The Central

1. My Kind Of Town. Boy did I ever feel the pain when you guys got swept in the first round of the playoffs last year. Even I shed blue tear or two. I can't even imagine what it was like over in Wrigleyville. No joy indeed. The SI piece in late September gave a brilliant account of what it was like to sit in the bleachers in Wrigley last season. They made it out to be like Mardi Gras, but only every day. That sounds like a fun place to watch a ball game. So don't sweat last October, because every day of the 09 season is going to be Fat Tuesday once again.

You're going to tell me Lou isn't going to lead the procession once again? You're going to tell me Carlos Zambrano won't be drinking a full fifth of celebratory bourbon? After every successful start? Canadians might not have Mardi Gras, but we enjoy a good celebration. Hell, Ryan Dempster and Rich Harden might actually try to find the Stanley Cup to hoist after winning the div. And what about Japanese countrymen Geovany Soto and Kosuke Fukudome? Sure they don't have Mardi Gras either but I'm sure they whooped it up after winning the World Baseball Classic. Man, with all these international good vibes coming out of Wrigley, the North Side is starting to look like Epcott Center. And certainly not its parodied park;

2. Duff Gardens. I just love this episode. Tell me Homer wouldn't love to kick it at Miller Park and watch Prince Fielder launch taters over the fence. The roster has plenty to make opponents look tipsy. Christ, even their number 5 is named Braden Looper. Now that's some serious boozing. The lineup including Ryan Braun, JJ Hardy, Mike Cameron and Corey Hart, all have potential to bring this squad back to near the top of grain pile but the pitching took a big hit, losing Ben Sheets and CC so second place and a bad hangover is all she wrote.

3. The Other World's Fair. Was a loooong time ago in St Louis so forget about winning the Central this year. Yes, outfielder Ryan Ludwick had a break out year last year. Yet, he suffered the same fate as Chipper on the Team Maniwaki roster. Why? Not because he made a couple of cracks about Canada. Because he won't repeat his fluke of an 08. Looking at this roster, I see the same old story. An acceptable staff, with a first rate ace, Carpenter. An acceptable line up with a first rate slugger, Pujols. But what else? Khalil Greene from SD? Old man Troy Glaus (and steroid suspect) who just hit the DL? The Cardinals over achieved greatly last year with Ludwick's abberation. Not to mention starter Kyle Lohse's uncharacteristic 15-4 record. (another Team Maniwaki cast off) and I can't see Glaus's replacement (minor leagues David Freese) taking Ludwick's place. Oh wait a second, I take that back as I just signed him. Whatever. It still won't be enough until Pujols is able to bat 1-9. And pinch hit for himself.

4. The Sleeper Team Of The Last Five Years. Shut up, shut up, shut up! I can't take it any more. Every year the pundits delcare that Cincy is the dark horse and could break out of the NL barn at any second. And this year is no different as every feed I plug into says the same thing. Even the YES announcers calling the Yanks/Cubbies tilt earlier went off for five minutes on this tired, tired, tired, analysis. Look, don't get me wrong. After Joey Votto's stellar performance at home in the Rogers Dome during the WBC, I am definitely a fan. And Bronson Arroyo bringing over some of the Idiot Spirit of 04 complete with blonde corn rows is definitely to be commended. And Edinson Volquez did have a stunning year last season going 17-6 with over 200 K's. And Jay Bruce did turn out to be the real deal smacking 20 jacks in his rookie year....Hey! These guys look pretty good they could be the dark horse team of this yea-nahhhhh........

5. The Colt .45's. While there is only one killer B in Houston now, (Berkman...and I don't think that Geoff Blum qualifies as the second) who else is going to get this squad off the launch pad? Miguel Tejada is on parole for lying to Congress about steroids, and will most likely sign with the Nationals mid-season. Pudge Rodriguez had to audition for a job during the WBC ended up behind the Houston plate. And Roy Oswalt (who does still have the right stuff) is holding the staff together with an old oxygen mask from the Apollo mission. I know myelf, as well as scores of other writers have use the following cliche about as many times as there are stars in the sky, but if I have to hear the Cincy bandwagoning for another year, you can all indulge me when I proudly trumpet the Astros chances in 09:

Houston. We have a problem.

I just love writing that.

6. Fucky Bucky. There is a Div 3 NCAA hockey team from Plattsburgh, NY. If these college kids showed up at on opening day at PNC par, still drunk from an all night kegger, and grabbed a few mits and took the field they would have a better chance at winning the div. How do you consistently finish last year after year after year? You don't draft BJ Upton instead of letting Tampa take him. You don't try to scoop up Evan Longoria. (only to trade him away for Chipper Jones and Roy! FAGH!!) You don't deal away Jason Bay for a bowl of chowder and box seats at Fenway. The Pirates draft record is mind numbingly atrocious and had been so for close to a quarter century. Don't believe me? Take a look for yearrghh self. If I was in that front office I'd want to drink home made rum until I went blind after spying that.

The West


1. The Rock Stars Are Back. No GNR didn't reform with the original lineup to play the Whiskey A Go Go and revive the glory days of the LA club scene. But the Dodgers are back.

While I know Manny's dreads don't really sit like the sprayed, teased hair of the cock rock era, they still tell the world, where LA is on the map. And this year the squad is really looking like it has an appetite for destruction. My word. Rafael Furcal, Manny Ramirez, and Maniwaki favourite, Russell Martin? Welcome to the jungle. And how about Joe Torre's second year skipping this team off in sunny So-Cal? He could out manage everyone in the div and still win it with a squad suspended minor leaguers who no longer have their steroids. The Dodgers look so good, like they could even compete in the AL. Talk about paradise city.

2. The Bay Is Back. Well move over Barry, this Pablo Sandoval character is all the talk about town. A guy who's tearing up the spring, leading all Big Leaguers in hits, and can apparently play almost any position in the field. I heard he can even work the scoreboard and play the organ to boot. Yes, it appears that McCovey's Cove will finally be receiving some horsehides this year that haven't been treated with cream, so it looks like everyone can start feeling like it's the summer of love again in San Francisco.

On the hill, we have last year's a Cy Young winner, Tim Lincecum, who looks like he should be playing on the main stage at the Warped Tour instead of throwing ungodly heat in the NL. Flanking him in the rotation, we have the Big Unit who's still got it, and Barry Zito who doesn't suck anymore. Well not as bad. While they can forget about the div, a late season push will have them hot on the heels of the not so lovable losers, the Mets, for the Wild Card. Which of course they will win as Lincecum gets hoisted by his teammates as the Disney credits roll over AT&T park.

3. John McCains Backyard. Looks like the D-backs are destined to go the way of the GOP lately. And that is not giving the speech at the podium in October. At least they have a real sleeper pick like Stephen Drew and not that ridiculous skid lady with the glasses that looks like every hitched housewife my town in rural Sasky. No you can't see Russia from Arizona. And definitely not any place higher than third.

4. Can We Please Go Back To 07? Remember those days? Tulo was on fire, leading the ridiculous charge to what seemed like a 30 game win streak all the way to the World Series? Remember Matt Holliday sliding into home plate in the NL tie breaker? Remember local, lower mainland hurler, Jeff Francis taking the hill in the Classic? Well, better break out the dvd boxset because the most pleasure you're going to get from the Rockies this year is if you've the bucks to go heli-skiing in Aspen. Tulo is coming off an injury hampered, underwhelming sophomore slump. Francis has to have surgery and is gone for the year, after going 4-10 last season. Even Holliday mad a mad dash out of town to Oakland in the off season. Maybe in another 13 years we'll see another unbelievable run to October glory. And most likely Todd Helton will still be there.

5. From Worst To Worst. Why? Not because ace Jake Peavy went 10-11 last year on a godawful squad. Not because David Eckstein is your short stop. The reason why you finish last in the West for the second straight year is this. You have a guy named Chase Headley on your squad. How the fuck do you expect to win anything when you have Gobots on your roster?


So there she be. From the Hamptons to Del Mar with Mike Hampton in between. Tomorrow. That other league where they spend their shillings and routinely book round trippers . The League Of Extraordinary Americans is next up on the card.

PRAIRIE PREFACE - RESPONSE

Bravo.

Sincerely, Baseball.

A Prairie Preface

Believe it or not, when the Skip was a lad he took his baseball seriously. Very seriously. On summer days, you could find him in front of the old wooden barn on the farm, hucking a tennis ball with all of his might at the weathered siding, then leaping and diving like a madman, trying to make the most spectacular of stabs. Emulating his hero, Octavio Antonio Fernández Castro (aka then Jays short stop, Tony Fernandez) the Skip would proceed to patrol the imagined Exhibition Stadium base path and gun down the American League behemoths like Jose Canseco or Alan Trammel that the immense barn represented.

He would do this for hours upon hours.

When game time came around in the Little League On The Prairie, you could see the Skip's same admiration for his idol as he stepped to the plate recreating the Fernandez batting stance. Low crouch, head cocked slightly, Hispaniolan Hawk eye stare. Not swinging a lot in those days. But he sure looked the part.

In the early years, the Skip didn't have as much success with the bat as he did with the glove, but over time he learned that hitting for contact and getting on base, like Octavio Antonio, was just as important as vaulting one all the way to the monkey bars or to one of the other diamonds on the school grounds.

If you ever want to know how much The Game meant to him, even back then, just ask him how he felt about losing. And make sure you get him to tell you what his response was if his team didn't come up with the W in the six innings that constituted a regular season Sasky minor league ball game.

You ask him.

***

One of my co-workers happens to be a fine young woman who also hails from the heartland, a fellow Assiniboine resident who calls Winnipeg her home town. We often swap stories regarding our native neck of the woods. Turns out her family, like ours as well as many families from the plains, also had a high degree of sporting activity in their household. Volleyball and soccer tourneys, of both the local and provincial tier, occupied her and her sister's extra curricular slate while growing up.

During the days of the last World Series, she informed me that a few years prior, her younger brother had expressed, via an assignment in elementary school, an interest in baseball. The family, formerly unaware of the kid's desire to pick up a bat and glove, went down to the Canadian Tire, purchased the aforementioned required items, and enrolled the tyke in the Winnipeg Little League system.

While I have never met this lad, I listened intently to the stories of his commitment and focus at the plate, his defensive flash with the leather and of his 9 year old devotion to current day infield Major League marvel, Chase Utley. Apparently this young lad has a complete Phillies uni which he wears with the pride that only someone of his age can. Which he donned on a recent family trip to Florida, one of the pit stops being the Louisville Slugger factory in Kentucky.

My friend regaled stories of her younger brother's complete awe and attention as the family toured the work floor where the wood was treated and transformed into the bats that have bashed bombs for generations. They listened as they heard the history of the Slugger, its legacy to The Game, as well as its modern contributions. She described the utter elation in the lad's voice when he was told that he was able to keep a souvenir bat that was handed to him at the end of the tour.

I listened with fascination, contentment and appreciation to these stories about this prairie kid from a new generation who has also found that love of The Game. It reminds me of the Skip throwing that tennis ball, wearing his Blue Jays batting helmet and coming in for supper with grass stains and prairie dirt and rips on his track pants. There's good baseball and then there's just plain right for baseball.

So you can also imagine what I think of when hear how the lad's eyes lit up when he was handed an actual game bat used by Alex Rodriguez.

***

I think you know where I'm going with this so since much has been written already on the subject and much more will surely follow, all I will say is this:

You players that have taken steroids have done a great disservice to yourselves, to your teammates, to the fans and to The Game. All the asterisks, Congressional hearings, denials, admissions, suspensions, paroles, and pardons will never erase the irrevocable damage that you have done to an era of baseball.

And you did the kids wrong.

On one hand it makes me utterly sad for the state of baseball, making me hang my head and look at the mound like I've just given up a series winning walk off jack. On the other hand it puts things in perspective as I know that The Game is bigger than you. As lads from the prairies will always pick up a bat and a ball and kick up some dust on the diamond no matter what.

So it is with going back to these fundamentals in mind, that I present the Maniwaki MLB Preview of 09.

In which we start with the oldest professional sports league on the continent, harkening all the way back to 1876. Let's go back to a simpler time and take in a good old fashioned day game in The National League.

Draft Day

Ooooh, just want you want to hear. A guy talking about his fantasy team on draft day, proudly displaying his squad like it's a concept vehicle at the Detroit auto show.

However, if this is the case, my team is looking like a Hummer on display in early '08. Translation: a complete overhaul of strategy will definitely be needed as Team Maniwaki is starting to look like one of the Big 3. And there is no bailout in site.

The problem?

Having to rely on the computer auto draft system for the third year in a row. Unable to attend the draft live, having a nasty, nagging problem of "the rent" to deal with. Although there is a queue system in place, where one prior to drafting, can rank their hopeful picks in succession, it still cannot predict what the rest of the league is going to do.

Hence I now have about 14 outfielders on my team and no third baseman. And I am flogging myself like a Crusade era monk for trading away Evan Longoria last season after plucking him off waivers earlier.

Looks like it's back to basics and try win the Waiver Lottery, again in '09. Fuck.