The Way She Goes

[In which, after a journey out east to Oaktown HQ for a grand celebration - more on this to follow - Simone Gagne fires up the Maniwaki sled from the BC interior to weigh in on yet another crushing Canucks loss...]


earlier this week after one of the canucks heartwrenching losses (i don't which one, i don't keep track anymore) mattias ohlund was interviewed about how and why they were playing so terribly, he was quoted "it's the way it goes."

ray - "just the way she goes"
bubbles - "what do you mean it's the way she goes?
ray - "it's just the way she goes bubs, sometimes she goes, sometimes she doesn't. this times she didn't go. just the fuckin way she goes"
- the trailer park boys

the difference between the ball hockey team hailing from sunnyvale trailer park, nova scotia and the canucks right now ... not much. what is it about this time of the year that makes the canucks make shit their hockey pants? just the way she goes, and with the nucks, season after season, she never goes. by now, i'm used to it. hard not to be after all these years of the same old story every season.

just the way she goes.

Scouting Shenanigans

Please read this all the way through and tell me if makes any semblance of sense.

The Jays want to boost scouting? Sounds great! I'm all for a strong farm system. Realistically it's the only way we're going to compete in the toughest and most expensive div in pro sport.

However let's take a closer look at JP's game plan as we run the base paths on this new improved scouting field.

He wants to increase the Jays presence in Asia? Brilliant! But he's increasing it in Japan where astronomical transfer fees are are required to even speak to anyone worth acquiring.

"Obviously, part of the process with getting Japanese players is the posting fee. I think that's been a little bit of a hindrance to us in the past. Dice-K was a $50 million posting fee, which at the time was pretty much what our payroll was. So we've just got to be smart about it."

Is he on crack? How does he expect to land the next Matsui or Dice? He appointed ex-Jay Rob Ducey, the coordinator of Pacific Rim scouting, who my heart goes out to because at this rate the only player Ducey will be landing from the land of the rising sun, is his Japanese equivalent.

Now let's take a look at who Ricciardi has actually added to the scouting team. Hmmmm....let's see...

Perry Minasian from the Rangers, Bob Fontaine and Rick Ingalls from the Mariners and Roy Smith from the Pirates. Anyone see anything wrong with this picture? Name the last time:

a. any of these teams did anything beyond stinking up the cellar of their respective div. And;

b. any of these sorry squads trotted out a bonafide homegrown Major League superstar.

Pittsburgh is so notoriously godawful in their scouting and drafting that they had trade Jason Bay away to get solid prospects from both LA and Boston. Their front office would be served better if they through a bunch of names into an MLB X-box game and let the computer decide.

Texas has never been the same since they signed A-Rod way back when, and are still probably suffering a coked-up-Dub-ya-in-the-80's grade hangover.

And Seattle...well...let's not pour salt in the very large gaping wound etched across the Emerald City...

And From The NBA, Came A Glimmer..

In all the hubbub yesterday, there was some light shining on the opposite side of the continent. Another struggling squad, Bosh and the boys, blew a late lead of their own, but still managed to get it together enough to stick it to the Nets 108-107.
Anytime the Raptors can swipe a pound of flesh out of Vince it's a good day for basketball.

Oh hey! And while we're at it, may I don my robe, and sound the royal horn as I trumpet this Royal Maniwaki Proclamation throughout the lands:

[dooot doooot dooo dooooooooot!!!!!]

Hear ye! Hear ye! Let it be known from coast to coast, from mountain range to prairie lands, that during this the fourth week of the year two thousand and nine, Steve Francis was officially waived from the Memphis Grizzlies basketball team's roster.

May justice prevail throughout the lands...

Calling Out The Squad

My empathy has turned to rage.
My pity has turned to hatred.
In selfishness you've sunken to the depths.
How much lower can you go?

- Hatebreed "Below The Bottom"


Harsh? Perhaps, but perhaps some of the patented brutality of the east coast metal-core masters is what these Canucks need. Another 3-1 lead pissed away by the time the third rolled around. And completely and utterly unforgivable is not the fact that we dropped this one to lowly Nashville, but that they set a season high record by scoring three power play goals.

Unacceptable.

After the second power play goal came with two minutes left in the second to tie it up, what did the home town squad do to start off the third? Take another stupid penalty.

After watching ten years of this shit, I've had enough. The 3-1 lead to Minny we blew in the second round of 03 playoffs. Bertuzzi-gate. Last year's New York Mets imitation complete with pre-playoff collapse. This year's sequel. Enough.

So what's the answer? Some of us were trying to figure it out tonight as Groundhog's Day played out early this year in the lower mainland.

"Blow up the team!"

"Start from scratch!"

"Trade Luongo!"

"Trade the twins!"

Whatever. I've heard it all before. These are all patchwork soloutions. I'm starting to think that our problems are more systemic. Would this be allowed to happen in Montreal? Of course not. Heads would roll down Rue St. Catherines. How about the Bronx? Steinbrenner himself would wheel a pinstriped catapult out to the mound and start launching cats out of The Stadium.

What happens in Vancouver? Maybe some line juggling.  Maybe some names mentioned in the post game. 

Not good enough.

Some serious shit needs to start happening and so Team Maniwaki is taking it upon itself to start calling some mother fuckers out.

1. Captain Bob. Start acting like one. Take some cats aside and start telling them to pull their weight. Tell your D-men to step it up. Spare no one. Even;

2. Mats. To quote Cyranno in Major League, "I give you rum. I stick up for you. If you no help me now I say fuck you, Jobu. I do it myself."  For two years I've been hailing you as the saviour of the Canucks, now I hear you're not skating with the rest of the team and practicing by yourself? And what's with all the time in the bin? Get it together and start acting like a guy who deserves the 10 mill pro rated that he just netted.

3. Alain Vigneault. Let's pull a Guy Carbonneau and start benching cats who aren't producing. Christ, bench everyone at this point and forfeit a game if you have to.

4. The rest of the lads. Listen to me and you listen fucking good. NO MORE STUPID PENALTIES. PLAY FOR THREE FUCKING PERIODS. CANUCKS FANS ARE SICK AS A RABID MOOSE WITH THE THIRD PERIOD COLLAPSES WE'VE BEEN SUBJECTED TO YEAR AFTER YEAR AFTER YEAR AFTER YEAR AFTER YEAR.....

I'm not kidding. Get it together.

Fantastic Fantasy Fuck Up

I really have to stop drinking beer when I draft or re-draft. Really.

I was going to drop Stamkos last night instead of Naslund, but then figured that Stamkos would get more points in the second half than Nazzy.

Stupid.

Because if tonight is any indication of the Fantasy Hockey Gods laughing at the folly of drunken mortal men, I am really in for it until the beginning of April.

Thus far in tonight's NHL matches?

Nasulund: 2 points.

Stamkos: 0

Fantastic Fantasy Heist

I know it's annoying to read about someone else's hockey pool. Especially if you're getting your ass kicke in your own. But whatevs...I'm boasting about the recent moves of the Maniwaki front office. Our league had its mid season redraft tonight. I dumped off Sam Gagne and Markus Naslund only to put on bandit mask and make off with a sack full of loot, Devin Setoguchi and David Boothe in tow.

Barrelled through the doors of HQ, and fired up the laptop only to find this on the TSN wire.

God, I love timely fantasy roster moves.

More Concern About Bob

Why? Because he's coming off a string of terrible starts and gets inserted into the All Star Game in his home town only to pull said string that much longer. In short, he's beginning to unravel.

Yes, I know it's only the an exhibition match, but as I just said, he had every reason in the world to try and put up a wall to stone the East. Especially in the shootout. The first one to ever be attached to an All Star Game. As Kovalev scored the first goal on Luongo for the East, I knew things were bad. As Ovechkin prowled around center ice drooling and snarling, I knew we were finished. And sure enough, Mr Sunglasses broke away on Bob and let loose a dangle move that will definitely be included in some youtube Ovechkin tribute. Game over.

I fear that this tough loss for Luongo and the West is only going to add to the growing doubt in the Captain's mind, and when he returns the Canucks defensive woes will not be put to rest. Until his head gets sorted out, we will need to match the All Star Game final tally of 12-11 in order to keep astride of our div rivals.

Cirque Du All Star

If you ever want to get the Skip riled up just ask him what he thought about former Mets manager, Bobby Valentine, coming back into the dugout after being ejected from a game wearing a fake moustache and Groucho glasses.

Go ahead. Ask him. Send him an e-mail and I guarantee you will not be disappointed.

I can only imagine what he thought of Alexander Ovechkin's homage to Valentine (and the asinine) in the breakaway challenge this All Star Eve. We even conferred on the matter this morning, HQ to mobile,  as the Skip was strolling around Le Centre Belle checking out all the All Star wares that the league had out on display.

Me: I can't wait to see what madness Ovechkin's going to unleash this year.

The Skip:  Yeah, apparently he's been working on some new secret shit.

Ovechkin: Let me do my best Diamond David Lee Roth impersonation and drag the great game of hockey down to the coke flap ridden gutters of the mid 80's hair band scene by doing my best coked up circus clown performance on hockey's greatest stage.

Said stage being the All Star Game in Montreal, during the team's 100th anniversaire.  Looking like he should be in the Leslie Neilson directed direct to DVD "Caddyshack 8 - This Sure Ain't Glen Abbey Bitch." Christ, Youppi would've barrelled down the ice with more couth. And most definitely would've roofed one.

Filing A Protest To The League Head Office

They're sitting Lidstrom? For not showing up to the All Star Game? Ridiculous. Appalling. And ridiculously appalling. As Lidstrom sits on the Team Maniwaki fantasy squad, the league has left me no choice but to get all Mark Cuban about this. I don't care what the fine is.

Lidstrom is a true ambassador to the game, the first non North American captain to hoist and a multiple All Star. If he's legitimately injured, should he be made to make the trip to sign some autographs and have awkward conversations with American broadcasters who struggle with both the French language/culture and even the game itself? Of course not.

Look, I know Gary wants to sell the game, and Le Match Des Étoiles is another good way to do it, but let's not push things. He's already got a bunch of squads jetting over to Budapest, Prague, and Transylvania early in the season next year to promote the game. He's got a slam dunk (so far) with the Winter Classic so give old Nick a break.

Everyone knows the game itself is a boring, over hyped game of shinny. I've seen old timers games in small town Sasky rinks that have more jump to them. If the commish is really that concerned about players ducking out during the break, have them provide medical records to the leauge, not from a team doctor, confirming said player's injury.

I'm betting most fans would understand. Poll anyone in Detroit and ask them if they'd rather see Lidstrom play in the All Star Game or help his team in a Cup drive?

What I'm most amped up about this All Star Weekend is the break away challenge, because I want to see what Ovechkin unleashes on us this year. The league got it right by adding the hockey equivalent to the NBA's slam dunk contest, or MLB's home run derby to the festivities, as these events are what fans really dig.

Aside from last year's MLB was actually turning into a phenomenal match, name me an All Star contest in any sport in recent memory, that knocked your helmet off. Did the East or West win last year's NBA All Star Game? I don't know. AIl I remember was Dwight Howard zipping through the air with a Superman Cape and Steve Nash heading the ball soccer style. Or Josh Hamilton knocking the living shit out of everything that came across the plate in the MLB Home Run Derby.

Is Lidstrom really hurting the game of hockey by opting not attending the All Star Game or is the game hurting him? I formally submit to the league, the latter.

Rapid Fire All Star Snippets

...and we're off.

1. Was it right to send Bob? Of course it was. It's in his home town, it's a nice game of shinny that can hopefully help get him back in game shape and who else were we supposed to send? Curtis Sanford? Tayor Pyatt?

2. Is it right that Sid's sitting? Absolutely. The Kid needs a break, knee or no knee. Like Grapes said on Coach's Corner a while back, he's too busy being the face of the NHL to actually play hockey. Let Malkin and Ovechkin dazzle the crowds at the Bell Centre and let Sid kick back and play some X-box for the weekend. Speaking of Ovechkin;

3. How badly do you want to see him get all Shaolin in the break away challenge? Last year's ungodly spin-o-ramo-to-Big-Papi just missed but still earned him first place. You just know he's got something more devious planned for this year.

4. Isn't it about time they included a toughest enforcer category in the skills comp? Look, this idea has already been tested in the Canadian backwoods and don't tell me you wouldn't want to see George LaRaque square off against Derek Boogaard in front of the home town fans. Put down the brie and rye crackers, and stop trying to fool me into thinking you're some gentile, civilized, sophisticate. Of course you'd love it.

5. How awesome that the pride of the Maniwaki Fantasy team is starting for the West? Very. Gotta hand it to Chicago sports fans. When they like they're team, they let everyone know. In reality should Towes, Kane, and Campbell be starters? Probably not, but when the puck drops on Sunday afternoon, at least I can bask in the illusion that I'm winning my hockey pool.

6. How slow and uneventful will the actual game be? Oh my god, after the first line change, I'm flicking over to celebrity MMA.

The Other State Of The Union Address

So Ricciardi and company held an open house with Jays fans, and stated the front office's position on the '09 season. And while there has been much ado about the lack of signings this year in Skydomeland, all is not lost. Dare I say, I'm actually with them in their strategy (partly) and am looking forward to April with keen interest (sort of).

Ok, here's the scoop. Of course I want Manny Ramirez or some other A list free agent to suit up in blue, but let's remember:

1. He hasn't signed anywhere yet. And spring training is right around the corner. With owners playing the economy card, and Manny playing the "oil is up and so am I" card, we've got a log jam of free agents that have no clubhouse to hang their hats. Would this be the year to enter the ring if the dreadlocked one did decide to drop his asking price? No. Why?

2. Show Me The Money. The Jays had to drop payroll for 09 because of the shaky dollar and the shaky economy. Looks like New York fucked us again. Thanks Wall St. Hate to say it, but our big blue ship, sporting playoff bunting, sailed last season when we had Burnett pitching in a contract year. Last year was our chance to be the Rays. Unfortunately the Rays decided to be the Rays, leaving us scratching our head crying in our Gatorade with 80 odd wins in fourth place. Again.

3. So Where Do We Go From Here? Exactly where Ricciardi and Beeston told the fans at the meet and greet. Stuck with no bucks, and forced to look to the system. Which really isn't that bad. I'm going to rattle off some names. Ready? Aaron Hill, Adam Lind, Travis Snider, Shaun Marcum, Dustin McGowan, Gabe Gross (gone). Feel better? Good. All these cats came through the system, and all have shown that they're more than Major League material. I read in some article that the Jays send the most players through their system and get them the highest number of big league at bats. This number will probably triple this year. While the scouts have shown that they can assess some talent;

4. Ricciardi's Reclamation Projects Are Atrocious. Three or four years ago, I kept reading about how Kevin Mench was the future of the Jays and that we should break the bank to get him. Thankfully, we signed AJ and BJ instead.  Until this year when we picked up Mench off waivers, and proceeded to dump him not long after. I'm going to rattle of some names. Ready? Tomo Ohka (now playing golf with Mench), Matt Clement, Michael Barret and Adam Lowen (who will meet them on the ninth green soon enough).  

So like the Rays showed us last year, youth is good.  And yes, I know that we weren't "blessed" with 10 solid years of solid draft picks and we don't have a whole slew of Evan Longorias chomping at the bit in Syracuse to hit the Big League track.  But I'm betting there's at least a one or two who've put up some mighty impressive lap times.

Like those guys, Roy Halladay and Chris Carpenter, did a few years back.

The Pep Talk

If you were sitting in the the locker room at halftime, head hung after getting decimated in the first, and you heard this speech, tell me you wouldn't go out in the third quarter and rush for 10 000 yards.

A Stack Of Chips

So Shanny's back, and off to a hot start, scoring the first goal for the Devils tonight against the Preds. Now I know what you're saying, because I've heard much ado about much lately. You're going to say that signing Brendan Shanahan for 800Gs is going to help New Jersey's cause more so than us signing Mats for 10 mill. And with his goal tonight, it seems as if he might be making a case for superior market value.

But hold the phone. Mats has got two goals and an assist so far, and the last time I looked he wasn't the one letting in the obligatory one or two shanky goals per game. While Shanny is a natural leader and will most definitely bolster NJ's lineup, he will not be the deciding factor as to NJ's playoff chances.

Mats is holding up his end of the bargain so far. So what we need is for Bob and our once great defence to walk to the Poker Stars table and ante the shit up.

Three Is Not The Magic Number

I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. I promise not to dole out any more abysmal advice. 

Wow. 1 for 3. Good thing that you skipped yesterday's post. Because while things were looking up for a spell, they got really ugly in a hurry. 

The Eagles were 3 minutes away from going to the big game. The Canucks were up 3-1. It was the 3000th game of their existence. I banged my head against the wall 3003 times. Just a bunch of fuck.

Sunday Odds From HQ

Ok. You got some bucks to bet on some Sunday sporting events. Here's where to put your money. Don't worry, I realize that times are tight. The only advice coming out of HQ is financially solid. So much so that would put even Suze Ormond or that crazy ranting dude on Mad Money to shame.

Steelers vs Ravens. In a tight tilt, with the Ravens Defence making their best case to advance to the big game, played on the big network in between the big, box office commercials, the Football Gods will intervene and hit the reset button on the NFL universe. Thus once again sending the Steelers to the Superbowl and making it as inevitable as a Sox/Yanks ALCS.

Eagles vs Cards. I think you know what I'm about to say.

Canucks vs. Blue Jackets. Oh my god, if the Canucks are going to win any game all season this is the one. Bob coming off a shaky return. The rest of the lads mired in a brutal losing streak. Expect to see one fired up team with a goalie so focused he could probably catch more flies than Mr. Miyagi. If you've got a deed to a house, or a farm, it's time to throw that deed on the table.

Horseshit

I don't know why this NFL season is so wacky. I don't know why I'm even keeping an half and eye on it. And like I've said a million times, I know practically nothing about football.

BUT...

I do know one thing for certain. And that is if John Gruden is the head coach of your professional football team, the last thing you do is fire him. Ridiculous. In the past I'ved been informed from my NFL savvy compadres that the guy wakes up at 4am every morning to the Notre Dame fight song. As much as I love the Andy Reids and Mike Holmgrens cheese steam every men of the NFL, I also had to admire their antithesis, namely Gruden.

Here was a guy that had was so intense on the sidelines, opposing QB's seemed afraid that he might go out and sack them himself. He has the presence reserved for the upper echelon of men that have fronted the hardest of hardcore bands. It wouldn't be stretch to see him take center stage with some devastating knock-you-in-the-face unit co headlining some combustible LA show with Rollins and Black Flag back in the day.

I mean even 76% of cats that ESPN polled regarding this fiasco said Gruden was robbed. 115 352 people. Most of whom I'm assuming know way more about football than me. So I know they won't be surprised next year when Gruden pulls a Joe Torre and takes whoever the new team he's running deep into the playoffs. I think the only thing that would surprise myself and the other 115 351 is if the same squad signed Manny Ramirez as an offensive tackle.

Not Worried

Well ok, for a second I was. Concerned...but only for a second.

As Bob let in a goal on his first shot, and proceeded to let in a few more shanky ones, I can honestly say I was looking at the Canucks unis and how much their colur scheme reminded me of the Mets. Would we ditch Vigneault for Wille Randolph? Would Carlos Delgado make a surprise visit to the lower mainland?

Even worse. Would Straw?

But then I chilled out.

Why?

As I was getting my legs back on the slopes of mighty Grouse Mountain this eve, and perhaps not boardsliding that rail like I would've liked, or taking that hit as I would've liked, I harkened back to an old baseball addage. Perhaps thee baseball addage. The one that states:

It's a long season. A marathon. Not a sprint.

And then proceeded to grab frontside as I popped off the flat box in the park...

Just watch the next game. If you're the gambling type, you should definitely huck a few more chips on the table than you'd normally feel comforatble with. You've seen the ads for the new flick, "The Wrestler" as it trumpets "the ressurection of Mickey Rourke"?

Then get ready for "The Canucks Strike Back" starring Roberto Luongo.

A surefire box office extravaganza.

+/- Addendum

Well...looks like Gillis doesn't want to pick up the tab after all as old Sanny hit the waiver wire today.

+/-

Plus. Ryan Kesler? Am I actually typing this? Another two points out of him tonight in the vain attempt to dig out of the early hole. Why did the Canucks fall into the oil pit early at GM Place tonight?

Minus. Our goal tending without Bob is atrocious. I've played better games in intramural high school floor hockey. Get me Rawlings mit, stick with a blue plastic blade, and some old Bauers and I'll get make that stop. I'm not kidding. These guys are terrible. Sanford, LaBarbera, and that red haired kid they sent back to Manitoba. Enough. I can't take anymore.

And look, it's not that I don't feel bad for them. You wouldn't catch me booing with the rest of the rabble in the rafters. I can empathize. Especially with LaBarbera. He's a hometown lad who's living his life long dream of playing with the Canucks. It's just too bad he's SYCing (shit your crease) on a regular basis. It would be like if I nailed a set up position on the Jays staff only to flush away Roy's lead into Lake Ontario every time I took the hill in relief. Maybe LaBarbera should pretend he's playing for the Sens or something.

Maybe they should all pretend they're on a different teams. Maybe the next time they call up Schneider, they should also call up the rest of the Moose, and let them skate in the pre game warm up instead of the Canucks. Then only bring in Hank, Dan and everybody else only when the puck drops, since Schneider tears it up in the AHL. As for Sanford, maybe he can pretend he's playing of the CCCP of the '70's. I'll bet he'll stop a few more pucks, with the fear of being shot in the back of his mind.

If I lose my brunch due to shit goaltending, I'm forwarding the bill to Mike Gillis himself. I'm not kidding.

Bob Is Back!

That's right. And will probably take to the ice against Phoenix on Thursday. With that let's spin up a vid by NY post-hardcore heavy weights, Rival Schools.


Rival Schools - Good Things
Yup.

Sunday Drive

There is nothing more daunting than attempting to enter a Costco on the second Sunday in January during an economic recession. While I am not shackled to the TV watching the NFL playoffs like the rest of North America, I did keep half an eye on the Eagles score before departing on an epic Sunday grocery excursion. Philly was up by a TD in the first. Hmmmmmmm......

Would they be able to hang on though?

***

The Spouse and I ran through our own playbook upon entering the daunting doors of Costco. The place was packed to the scaffolding with shoppers. Many of them meandering. Many of them with out a plan. Pathetic. Determined to navigate through such a mine field in recored time while capturing as many items on our list the Spouse and I broke huddle.

And kicked off, invading the opposing and imposing to the meat section. If this was the first quarter of our playoff Sunday, we were definitely in command. We avoided many shoppers running the "Casual Cart Push" defence and while completing our item objectives. We even adapted when lean ground turkey supply was depleted, and simply substituted with more beef. You have to think on your feet in the playoffs.

Things were continuing with Navy Seal precision as we entered the canned veggies section. Our running game was unsurpassed. I drove the cart while the Spouse darted in and out of the opposing zone to capture item after item. Sometimes she would run blockade for the cart and we would move in tandem. Sometimes I would plant and remain stationary while she went for a long bomb down far down the aisle. I wondered if Reid and McNabb were sailing through their Sunday afternoon match with as much ease.

The only hiccup came as we hit some heavy cart congestion in the frozen section, which threatened to end upset our momentum. However we successfully punched through and fittingly ended up in the canned soup section parked in front of a palette of Chunky's. Surely McNabb must have been rolling as well.

The rest of the match was pretty much a formality as we ran out the clock in the checkout line. The Spouse even managed to duck away back into the juice section to commandeer a flat of Gatorade, which she proceeded to soak me with.

Things were good. We had come up big in the big game. We called the right plays and were able to execute them. We breezed past door security, with our haul in tow in record time. So as you could imagine that when I stepped back into Maniwaki HQ, I was not surprised to find that the Eagles did dominated the Giants for four quarters and are now en route to the NFC Finals next Sunday.

A game in which I will be viewing, chowing down on some of the spoils of victory from this Sunday. A pack of hot wings (to begin marinating tomorrow) and some nachos and salsa. Maybe some Campbell's chunky for good measure.

Late Night With The Maniwaki Ticker...

...from ESPN...."Sundin scored his first goal on his first shot since joining Vancouver"....Yup...Too bad we couldn't take down these increasingly terrifying Sharks...4-2 the final...Perhaps we need to sign Roy Scheider...

...the Titanic resurfaces...In Tennessee as the Ravens punted this year's Patriots out of the playoffs...ask me to name one player on either team...go on...ok...some guy who's name isn't Terrell Owens...

...Manny and a bunch of other free agents still unsigned...Jays still short a couple bats and over half a starting rotation...Reason # 7899 to hate Wall St...fucking with the economy so bad that my squad will have to scour Bantams from Missisauga to fill it's 09 roster....

...More NHL moves...Shanny signs with the Devils...and TSN fantasy is advising me to dump Sid from Team Maniwaki...maybe a move for Patrik Elias, Zach Parise and Brendan Shanahan be in the works?...

Bosh And The Boys Bite Back

And against the Grizzlies to boot. The same Grizz that boast one Steve Francis on their roster. I being able to type that. I really do. Score one for the good guys.

Or 103 to be precise as Bosh and Bargnani combined for 63 points at the ACC to top Memphis. The win extended T.O.'s season high winning home streak to three games. Ok, I know it's not much, but given the state of today's NBA it might as well be a championship ring. Watching a winning Raptors squad bash the boards and drain 3's as the crowd goes nuts, rocking out to KRS style boom bap beats as the fourth quarter winds down =

"Where astonished to feel good about hoops happens."

The Feel Good Story Of The Year...

...thus far.

As the NHL has been plagued with much malaise as of late, namely:

1. The Pens' woes.
1a. Sid's scrap.

2. Semin's slapfest.

3. Rutto's altercation involving his incisors.

4. DC's dismay over the All Star selection.

5. And Mikhail's meltdown.

Let's turn our attention to the natural hat trick scored tonight by Bobby Ryan of the Ducks, complete with the spinniest of spin-o-rama's. Maybe Caps coach, Bruce Boudreau, should be campaigning for Ryan to play in the All Star match as well.

Never Mind Mats Here's...

...the Bernier/Burrows/Kesler line?

Now that's something I didn't expect in Sundin's long awaited lace up for the lower mainland. While I was amped to the 2006 Olympic Gold medalists on the power play, I was even more shocked to see Kesler actually do something. Chipping in two assists on the three goals that his line netted. Two goals coming within 12 seconds of each other.

Wha...?

I don't know if I'm ahead of the whistle by saying this, but the sentiment was echoed my buddy Cam in the post game break down we just conferred on. Which is that having a big gun (like Bertuzzi of old) opens up the ice by drawing the attention and fire of the opposing squad. Thus setting the table so that the over rated/underachieving Kesler's of the world can actually attempt to live up to their billing.

Hey, I don't care who scores the goals, that's worth 5 mill to me.

"Hey Mats... You think I have a shot at the Art Ross?"

Dirty Pool

Huh?

Jarkko Rutto allegedly bit Andrew Peters in an on ice fracas tonight Buffalo?

This right on the heels of Semin's slapping shenaningans?

What next? 2 minutes for hair pulling?

A game misconduct for sand in the eye?

World Juniors Shocker. Canada Wins Gold.

Yeah they won the fifth one...blah, blah, blah. Let's get to the real business at hand:

1. Cody Hodgson Is For Mothafucking Real. How about the tourney leading 16 points, not to mention two goals in the big, gold medal game? Now that's hitting for average and pounding a couple of late inning Papi-esque bombs. Can't wait to see him suit up with the Canucks next season.

2. So Is Tavares. Coming in second in points with 15, and probably the sickest goal scored in ten years.

3. Hey Tokarski! Went undefeated in the tournament and stopped 39 shots in the big game.

Now while I'm not doing backflips over this win, I am pumped about these players' performance. Why? Because hopefully it will translate into some hockey wins that Canada desperately needs. Namely:

A Cup in Canada and a 2010 Gold.

Bring me one or both and then I'll be launching off the pommel horse like Mary Lou Retton in '84.

AND THAT, FOLKS, IS HOW IT'S DONE

I rushed home to make it in front of TSN at 7:00ET this evening. Another stitch in the fabric of Canada was about to be sewn, and lord knows I needed to be a part of it.

I raced through the door, only to find sitting in front of me a freshly poured Caesar and a gigantic plate of nachos courtesy of the First Mate. Much to my disbelief, however, this was only the beginning. Her most important contribution was still to come.

As the lads raced onto the ice from the dressing room, you could feel the electricity. Crowd roaring, red lights glowing, Skip SYP’ing. Then the gents in yellow took their place on the rink, met only by a chorus of jeers.

And now a quick transcript of the early candidate for quote of the year.

The Skip: Wow. Not cool. They’re still kids, for godsake. No need for this.

The First Mate: Listen. If they’re old enough to play hockey, they’re old enough to get booed.

Holy crap. Nicely done.

***

Anyhow, there’s not much to say about the match itself. We won. Soundly. Dominated every facet of the game. And I loved it.

There are so few things that all Canadians can truly identify with. It’s funny how a game where five friends attach razor sharp blades to their feet then waltz around on a sheet of ice trying to put a 4” rubber disk into a 4’*6’ space can make 37 million people so proud. But I know that it does. And so do you.

Sometimes, it’s ok to dominate. When it’s Canada against the world, we know a few things.

We put our best under-18’s against your best? We’ll win.

Our best under-20’s against your best? We’ll win.

Our best women against your best? We’ll win.

Our best men against your best? We’ll win.

I know that some are getting a little tired of seeing the Maple Leaf raised just that little bit higher than the other two flags around it, but nothing could be more unreasonable. Hell,
I’ve even heard some refer to us as the “Yankees of international hockey”.

There are, however, two substantive reasons why such an analogy is inappropriate:

(1) We don’t buy talent. We groom it.

(2) We win.

Yup.

Great job, gentlemen. We’re all proud of you.

- the Skip

Never Mind Beantown...

...it's the City Of Brotherly Love.

That's right. The Philadelphia Eagles won their Wild Card playoff match tonight against Minnesota and the Maniwaki line reads that they'll hoist the Vince Lombardi trophy on Sunday, Feb 1. Sounds ludicrous? Maybe. But since I don't know shit about football, I don't give a shit.

Sure McNabb might be the next QB due for a championship. Sure T.O.'s been banished to the eye of the cyclone that is the Dallas Cowboys locker room. Sure, even the Flyers are great and the Phills just one the World Series, casting aside the eternal phutility of the Philly fan.

But these reasons alone are not the reasons that the Eagles will win the big one.

There really is only one reason why Philly will win, and one reason alone.

This guy.

This guy doesn't lose the Super Bowl. This guy IS the Super Bowl.

Slo No!!!

Gotta feel bad for Eastern Europe tonight. The Cinderella Slovak squad shattered their glass skates tonight in a 5-3 loss to Sweden. After upsetting USA in a first round stunner Slovak goalie, Jaroslav Janus, looked damn near like the Star Wars missile defence system, turning away a flurry of shots like they were intercontinental ballistic missiles. 44 saves against the States the other night. And 47 tonight against the Swedes.

And it was looking like a shocker tonight in Ottawa as Russia was doing their best impersonation of the Soviet Union in the '70's, giving Team Canada a run for their money. Up until 5 seconds left in the third, when Canada tied it up with the extra attacker. While yes, it was a pretty thrilling goal in a pretty thrilling game, you had to feel bad for Russian goalie, Vadim Zhelobnyuk, and his squad as they limped into the OT and inevitably got Tavaresed in the shootout. While they are working on their fifth straight World Junior gold, and of course I'll be rooting for them on Monday, cheering for Team Canada at this point is making me start to feel like a Yankees fan.

And we all know how that works for baseball...

Immortalized In Millions Of Plastic Units

When I was a very young lad, Evel Knievel was a pretty big deal. Launching his star spangled bike over over cars and buses and whatever else regularly got his face on TV as well as on some of my pals lunch boxes. The Knievel action figure, that came with wind up racing bike, was a worthy opponent for my Six Million Dollar man racing machine and my buddies and I would routinely have drag races for block supremacy.

While Steve Austin, fared a pretty good race record, Knievel also put up some impressive stats. However, The Six Million Dollar man was a fictional character. Knievel was not. And it was a strain for my very young brain to make the distinction. Surely any man that attempted to jump over a canyon was deserving of having his likeness imprinted on six million action figures across North America.

Just saw the footy of moto X madman, Robbie Maddison's New Year's Eve launch in Vegas and I can't imagine what the l'il gaffers of the next decade will be using in order to claim the title of Speed Demon in their respective neighbourhoods.

Why I Love The Winter Classic

What another great way to start the new year. Although there were no snowy, shootout heroics like last year, this year's outdoor shinny still proved to be quite the thriller. While I was not originally a supporter of making the event and annual affair, I am now solidly laced up and skating warm laps on the frozen pond in favour of it. It looks as if the league is going to make'r a New Year's Day staple and for that I have to say a big, resounding, "GOOSE." Here's why the game is goose for the game:

1. Outdoor Hockey. Pure.

2. Hockey Played On A Baseball Field. In this case one of the baseball fields. Kane leading the rush amongst the Wrigley Ivy? Come on. If your still not sold, try this scenario on for size. Imagine the Bruins squaring off against the Habs outdoors. At Fenway Park.

3. I Finally Get A Bowl Game. I don't watch college football, and know virtually nothing about it. In fact I have a greater grasp of European team handball. The fact that we have a new tradition to add to the New Year's brunch we serve up annually at HQ is a good thing.

4. A Meaningful Divisional Tilt. Yes, the Canucks are my team, but I also really dig the Hawks. Towes and Kane were on the Maniwaki fanatasy squad last year and this year's incarnation was built around them, with the addition Campbell. So seeing them face off against Div leading Detroit for Central supremacy was the extra slice of bacon.

5. The Yanks Get Amped. While strong franchises in Florida probably aren't so great for the game, strong Original Six organizations are. Especially those sud la bordure. For years, the Blackhawks were one of the worst run teams in all of pro sport. Even approaching the Loria Expos (yes,that bad). Not anymore.

6. Great Goals. Sid's shootout winner last year was one of the best goals ever scored in hockey. Right up there with Bobby Orr flying through the air. While there wasn't one spectacular lamp lighter in this contest, Detroit's goal rush of five unanswered was spectacular.

7. Retro Unis. Classic.

The Winter Classic at Wrigley. Good for baseball.