Roberto Lu-Who??!!

In response to three of his players failing to clear the puck in the final minute, resulting in a late goal and ultimately losing the game to Colorado in OT the other night, the goalie had this to say:

"It's unacceptable, inexcusable, that should never happen in an important game like that. So we just pissed away two points tonight."

Was this quote from an actual hockey player? And from a Canuck no less? Way to go Rob, it's about time we saw someone stir things up in the dressing room.

Can goalie's wear the "C"?

You Win Some, You Lose Some

Won. Dallas. Holy Brad Richards bagging five points in his first game with the Stars. Holy 7-4 victory over Chicago. Holy the new team to beat in the West.

Lost. Pittsburgh. A 5-1 loss to Boston, Chara (...and the Skip)? Hossa out for week from an accidental knee on knee? In his first game with the Penguins? Will he and Sid be playing NHL '08 in the infirmary to get their line rolling? Not the team to beat in the East. For now.

TRADING BARBS

Howdy kids. Given the trans(in?)actions that took place yesterday, I figured a quick hit from the Sugar Shack was warranted. Some instant analysis:

1. Et tu, Bob? Monsieur Gainey should be extremely pleased. No, not with his performance on deadline day, of course, but rather that his jersey retirement ceremony was last week instead of this week. Can you imagine getting booed in unison by 21,273 of your compatriots? Bottom line: the Habs are worse today than they were yesterday. Not the kind of front office performance we were looking for.

2. Richards the Star: Brilliant move by newly-minted GM Brett Hull. Picks up a top line forward, didn't cost too much in terms of assets, and - most importantly - unites Brad Richards with Mike Modano to absolutely corner the market on NHL players that look like bunnies. Screw gatorade. Pass the carrot juice.

3. Back to the Future: I think the Avs should have also gone after Sylvain Lefebvre, Craig Wolanin, and Curtis Leschyshyn.

4. Hossa to Pittsburgh. Wow. Congratulations to Don Waddell to successfully selling his snake oil for wayyyy too high a price. Pens' chemistry just went into the tank, as Christensen and Armstrong were basically Sid's best friends. Mortgaging the future for one month (yes, one month only; he'll disappear in the playoffs and then won't resign) makes nowhere near as much sense as the pundits are trying to tell you. Bad move. Trust me.

Given, though, that I am clearly in stark disagreement both with the Admiral and the talking heads at large, for the sake of Gonzo sports journalism I'm leaving later this morning to Boston to take in the Bruins-Pens game tomorrow night, and will witness Hossa's debut in Black and Gold. Expect a full report upon my return, provided I'm not too engorged with clam chowdah....

- The Skip

The Breakdown

Ok the deadline came and went. Some deals got done. Some got nixed. Here's the Maniwaki breakdown:

1. Hossa to Pittsburgh. A very bold move. The kind of "win now" blockbuster that I fully support. The Pens gave up a lot: Colby Armstrong, Erik Christensen, prospect Angelo Esposito and a 2008 first-round draft pick for Marian Hossa and Pascual Dupuis. But this is monster. A Crosby, Malkin and Hossa line makes this team look more like an Imperial Star Destroyer.

2. Richards to Dallas. Another daring move that adds another power up to an already stacked offence. I fully expect Dallas to make the Western Final.

3. Huet to Washington. The dark horse deal. If this propells the Caps to a playoff spot, who knows what Jedi mind tricks Ovechkin will unleash? Meanwhile by dumping a goalie the surging Montreal Canadiens have placed the entire mont on 20 year old Carey Prices' shoulders. Does the Habs front office know something we don't? Did they clone Patrick Roy in the Forum basement two decades ago? Has Price been in the system since birth?

4. Adam Foote to Colorado. Yes, yes, yes, Forsberg, Foote and Sakic are all playing for the Avalanche again. Some news for those Avs fans doing back flips. It's 2008 not 1996. Just calm down.

5.Chris Simon to Minny. Now here's a move by a Northwest rival that actually has me concerned. If having eight suspensions isn't enough, Simon's most recent holds the record for being the longest ever dished out. Thirty games for stepping on Jarko Rutuu's leg with his skates on. Will he be the first player to roll onto the ice with a bastard sword? Although the Canucks channelled their inner UFC against Edmonton recently, they might have to suit up with chain mail armour come playoff time.

6.Matt Pettinger to Vancouver.I am listening to the pundits on Sportsnet actually discuss the "offensive upside" to Matt Pettinger, although he has only two goals this season. I'm not kidding.

Hottest Trade Rumour

Never mind Forsberg suiting up for the Avs, Dan Boyle re-signing with the Lightning, or Mats Sundin remaining adamant about staying in the Dot. The real story of the day is that The Tampa Bay Devil Rays have admitted to pursuing Barry Bonds.

This is danger. The D-Rays are a few years away from actually doing something, and injecting (sorry) Bonds into the lineup may speed things up. With the Orioles trading away half of their squad (They may in fact be the first team in MLB to be relegated to the English Football Second Division.), the Rays can bet their Tropicana Field that they won't be in the cellar this year.

With Tampa Bay's record against Toronto being already competitive, a potential Bonds move could even make the Jays try coax Sundin out of his no trade clause. Perhaps to throw some smoke in the eighth between Halladay and Ryan.

Jays Reacquire Stewart

The Jays have brought back Shannon Stewart, signing him to a minor league deal. Invited to spring training, Stewart has a chance to make the big club. If he does indeed join the Jays, reports are that he'll be splitting time in left with Reed Johnson and Matt Stairs.

Wow.

That was the most bland, matter of fact post I've ever churned out. The complete antithesis to the freedom that the blogosphere bestows on whom ever wishes to take part.

A vast congregation of these underground e-scribes took place at Northern Voice 08 yesterday. I attended the convention but proceeded with extreme caution, due to the fiasco surrounding my last symposium.

Turns out this one was actually a pretty good blogging brouhaha. The skills I learned, coupled with the allies I made will undoubtedly transform this blog and the army of others out there into highly lethal OMACS. Who in turn will descend upon mainstream media, dismantling and recombining it with laser precise nano-blogging-technology to ultimately fire it back out to the spectacle.

Sundin Sounds Off

And sounds like he's not keen on waiving his no trade clause, stating:

"I never believed in rental players to start with. I think if you want to be part of the team that has a chance to win the Stanley Cup or a team that is going far in the playoffs, my opinion has always been that you want to be there from training camp or the start of the season to be part of the group."

Look Mats, it's between you and flip flopping Forsberg, (who will undoubtedly trip on the ice at practice and suffer a sever concussion before ever playing an actual game) so why not just come on over for a spell and win one with the lads from Örnsköldsvik?

Present Or Not Present

All right. Class is in session. Time for the Maniwaki roll call:

Jamal Crawford?

Present. As he showed up at MSG, lifting his sorry, sorry Knicks squad to a very rare victory. 103-99 over the Raptors. Apparently finding Dwight Howard's discarded Superman Cape, Crawford scored a season high 43 points saving Metropolis just like the Big Red "S" would.

Mats Sundin?

Not Present. As are teammates Bryan McCabe and Andrew Raycroft. According to a Leafs spokesman, all three missed practice today due to flu-like symptoms. Is this the best excuse the team could come up with in trying to avert the trade rumours surrounding the trio? Did a stray dog burst into the Leafs front office and eat everyone's homework?

Roger Clemens?

Not Present. Now Present. After repeatedly denying that he attended a party at Jose Canseco's house in 1998, The Rocket could find himself landing on the planet Perjury. An alleged photo that refutes Roger's retorts has surfaced showing him at the former Bash Brother's shin dig. Clemens' attendance or lack thereof has been a key point in the Congressional steroid hearings.

Although the photo hasn't been publicized yet, I fully expect it to depict Canseco and Clemens wearing Dwight Howard Superman capes, chowing down on a huge mountain of barbecue marinated in HGH.




We all know what that "S" really stands for.

The Brick Layer

There's stealing games and then there's donning a Tom Cruise issue Mission Impossible bungee suit, and dropping down into some laser beam protected Zurich bank vault, swiping the Cullinan Diamond.

49 saves. That's two games worth (not to mention the shoot out) that Luongo made tonight to edge the Predators. It can be said with certainty that the heroes tonight were both Masons:

1. Mason Rayomond for scoring a picture perfect, Annie Leibovitz for Rolling Stone worthy first goal.



2. Roberto Luongo for mixing a batch of the strongest mortar and applying it to the Pink Floyd approved brick monster that he constructed.

Kazzaaam!

The best performance Shaq had tonight in his debut with the Suns was his pre game bro down with Kobe. In front of 40 billion cameras the two shook hands and made brief obligatory pleasantries as if they were Clemens and Mcnamee finding themselves at a televised ESPN barbecue. Awk. Ward.

Shaq seemed a tad shaky off the start (just a tad though...not Bryant Reeves shaky) and by the second half...KAZAMM! he got back to his old form. At one point scooping up a rebound and shaking off two Lakers (Kobe being one of them) like they were pesky Lake Winnipeg mosquitoes.

He nailed an Oscar worthy alley oop from Nash and it seemed as if the dynamic duo that everyone has anticipated to win the Presidency in November was going to go into cruise control.

But not this eve.

As much as I can't stand Kobe, I have to say he played like a force of nature. This was a monster game. It felt like a play off game. And Kobe just wouldn't let up. He drove, he dunked, he rebounded, he shot from the perimeter. And he made it look good. At times he made the opposition look silly. As much as I hate to put these two names in the same sentence I have to give him his due tonight.

I really, really don't want to put these two names together, so maybe I can at least separate them as best I can.

Here goes:

Kobe Bryant played a fierce game tonight in Phoenix, Arizona (the copper state of the United States of America) against NBA Western Conference rival, the Suns (who recently bolstered their squad with one Shaquille Rashaun O'Neal, formerly of Miami) by performing a series of plays all with a dislocated right ankle that astounded me and reminded me of the former NBA player from the Chicago Bulls (and briefly the Washington Wizards) they call MJ.

...
....
....
...{pukes up a copy of Shaq Fu}
...{plays it}
...{digs it}
...{saves it for later}
...{pukes more}

...

Tuesday Ticker

...The Canucks gritted out another one vs division leader Minny. While it would be nice to see a Pittsburgh or a Montreal more often during the regular season, the heavily weighted divisional schedule is pretty juice when the division is tight. And such is the Northwest. So much so that I feel like I'm watching a Sox/Yanks pennant chase. In February...

...Houston... we have a problem. As we've become a sanctuary for those named in the Mitchell Report. The recently traded Miguel Tejada showed up for Astros Spring Training today and mentioned nary a word re: his alleged steroid use. Remaining tight lipped on his lawyer's advice, Tejada was all smiles. Many were confused as to why this man would appear so nonchalant especially when he is under the close scrutiny of Congress, MLB and the media. What's he got to worry about? Tejada could get get nailed for operating a ring in which dogs take steroids, fight each other and bet on baseball afterwards with their owners, and it would still be better than playing for the Orioles. Just wait for the Maniwaki Season Preview. It won't be sunny in Baltimore...

...Vinny The Bitch might get traded. To Indiana. Let's just hope it's not to the Pacers, but to 1954 Hickory High from Hoosiers so Gene Hackman can routinely kick his ass for being such a fucking prima donna...

..."ET LE BUT! ET LE BUT! ET LE BUT! ET LE BUT! ET LE BUT! ET LE BUT!"..What just happened in Montreal? The Habs came back from a 5-0 deficit to win in OT??!! And it was the biggest comeback win in the squad's history? Can it be that the Montreal Canadiens are starting to look once again like THE MONTREAL CANADIENS? Could a 25th Cup be just down la rue?...















"Hey Al! Remember that time we were high on Dianabol and fixed the '85 World Series?"

Andy Pettitte Is Not A Cheat

He admitted today at a press conference from the Yanks' spring training complex that he took HGH twice in his career to help come back from injury. As there are plenty of pundits out in there in TV land as well as the www who will undoubtedly spin his press conference more ways than Daisuke Matsuzaka gyro ball, all I am going to say is this:

Andy Pettitte admitted to taking HGH in 2002 and again in 2004. Major League Baseball banned the substance in 2005. He did nothing wrong.

A Spirited Win

Ok, I take it back. The lads can throw down when they need to.

I missed the game (in favour of a very rambunctious reunion with old school chums that involved plenty of Crown Royal and Guitar Hero) but checked out the box score when I stumbled in.

And sobered up faster than if I was on an espresso intravenous when I saw the match notes. A 4-2 win over the Oil with brawls, brawls and more brawls. And even Linden got involved picking up a five minute fighting major?

This was epic. And the kind of game you need to win going into a playoff campaign. Just ask the '04 Red Sox. In a very heated game that summer vs the Yanks, catcher and Captain, Jason Varitek got in a home plate dust up with the ever lovable A-Rod. Many of the Idiots point to that game as being the one that sparked and solidified them in their march to their first World Series in 86 years.

The Canucks literally fought their way back into playoff contention claiming eighth spot with this gritty performance. See you in April.




"Canucks aren't waiting 86 years for a Cup!"

Dwight Howard = Tony Hawk?

Easily the most entertaining event out of any pro sporting All Star spectacle, the NBA Slam Dunk Contest takes off from the foul line tonight. As a scrawny prairie kid, who scored a total of four points in his junior high basketball career, I have always marvelled at the NBA'a dunking elite. How these cats are able to channel their inner R.Kelly and hover like Trinity in the Matrix constantly baffles me.

Although I'll be rooting for the Raptor's Jamario Moon, it looks like the Magic's Dwight Howard is going to David Copperfield it up and take home Claudia Schiffer tonight.



What next? Tony Hawk inspired kick flip 720's to monster jam?

Zaun Takes A Swing

The whole thing was kind of suspicious. Jays' catcher, Greg Zaun, (who is always outspoken, even providing televised playoff commentary) gets named in the Mitchell Report for steroid use and says nothing. For months.

Surely then, he must have been snorting lines of HGH with Jose Canseco, Roger Clemens, and Junior Felix in some steroid soaked Skydome hotel room whilst Jays' theme song, "OK Blue Jays!" blasted in the background.

Zaun broke his silence today claiming to be implicated via his friend Jason Grimsley. Zaun contests that he lost a basketball wager to Grimsley back in 2001 and disgustedly flipped him a blank cheque for five hun to cover the bet. Grimsley then used that blank cheque to purchase steroids from former Mets trainer Kirk Radomski.

Is that how it happened? I don't know. You don't know. We'll probably never know. I'm inclined to believe Zaun (not because I'm a Jays fan, but because his story seems plausible) but this whole Mitchell thing is making me sicker by the day.

To quote Congressman Dan Burton in his Congressional rant the other day:

"I don't know what to believe."

This Cirque Du Steroids has become more twisted than one its spandex clad performing contortionists. "Sources" who's stories change by the second. Allegations based on near decade old conversations. "Illegal" substances that weren't even banned at the time of their use.

How many of the players named actually used steroids? Probably a lot. How many didn't? Probably a few. And how many used HGH when it was still unregulated by the League? Probably a few as well. But the Mitchell Report paints everyone with the same brush, making everyone named out to be some Jose Canseco/Kaizer Soze sized drug kingpin.

The tragedy of this entire exercise is that, no matter how flawed the report is, the issue had to get to Congress before anything was going to change.


Selig and MLB were warned repeatedly to clean up the sport and they did nothing. Now an increasingly suspect report, coupled with a Britney level media spectacle, have made everyone out to be Tony Montanna deservedly or not.

A Broken Record

I'm starting to feel like a broken record here. Or some DMC scratch master who is so addicted to a certain sample that he drops it every two seconds in his set. After ten minutes, you've heard it a thousand times more than you've needed to and feel the urge to storm the booth and bludgeon him with his Technics.

To transpose this scenario, I am the DJ, the Mauler is the booth, you are you and the sample is this:

{needle hits}

{obligatory scratching}

zzzt! zzzt! zzzzt!

{highly familiar old school beat drops}

Ba-doom-doom-Ba-doom-doom

{sample plays...}

{a retro Manga snippet..}

"The apocalypse is now...Our rag tag squad was down and out... We battled back against the rival Clan. Tonight is was the Wild. We stood our ground...but in the end we couldn't assemble like Voltron... In the end we got dismantled in the shootout...Don't hate the players, hate the game..."

zzzt! zzzt! zzzzt!


"The apocalypse is now...Our rag tag squad was down and out... We battled back against the rival Clan. Tonight it was the Wild. We stood our ground...but in the end we couldn't assemble like Voltron... In the end we got dismantled in the shootout...Don't hate the players, hate the game..."

zzzt! zzzt! zzzzt!

"The apocalypse is now...Our rag tag squad was down and out... We battled back...

Feel free to bust into the booth hang the DJ, because I'm sure getting tired of having to drop this same shit night after night after night after nigh...

The Rocket Blasts Back

Alright. Let's break down this situation with Roger.

The whole thing is a sham, a shame and a shambles.

To summarize:

1. Even Kangaroos would laugh at this court and probably decide to retire to their rumpus room to play the '80's "Kangaroo" stand up arcade game instead of watching this travesty. Full Congressional proceedings based on hear say and scattered conversations as far back as 1999. How is any of this "he said", "she said" remotely relevant, admissible and most importantly provable?

I am not a Clemens fan, but whether he took steroids or not, he does not deserve this public flogging. Why didn't Capitol Hill decide to sopeana Todd Hundley, Hal Morris, or Matt Franco? Who are they? Other named names in the Mitchell Report, who are apparently not marquee.

2. Brian McNamee is a weasel. The former trainer claims that he was not out to get Clemens and that he regrets this entire affair. Hold up there Brian. You don't save bloodied syringes from 1999 in case you intend to use them one day. Points to Congressman Dan Burton for hammering Mcnamee's shaky credibility and for calling the entire proceedings a circus.



3. Congressman Cummings, who I previously applauded for sticking it to the Commish, lost a lot of Maniwaki points for his line of questioning to Clemens. His entire attack is comprised of near decade old conversations between Andy Pettitte and the Rocket, in which Pettitte claims Clemens took HGH. Last time I checked, freedom of speech is protected under the United States Constitution. Clemens could drive past Pettitte's house everyday for ten years with a megaphone announcing that he took steroids and it still wouldn't mean a damn thing. He could just be on a lark. Pettitte's recollections of past conversations (no matter how precise he remembers them) should not be treated as the New New Testament that Cummings has lauded them to be.

4. Let's remember that during this time frame HGH wasn't even on MLB's banned substance list. It wasn't even banned when Pettitte claims to have taken it. It was as legal as Cornflakes until a few years ago. You can thank the Commmish for dragging his feet on that.

5. But did Roger do it? I say probably. But it doesn't matter what I think or what anyone thinks, Congress included. It's all speculation, and a career that's spanned over 20 years and is Hall worthy, should not be put under this intense Congressional scrutiny.

Like many newspapers publicly support a presidential candidate during elections, The Maniwaki Mauler officially stands by Clemens during these hearings for not rolling over and becoming the public's whipping boy for steroids. If he did them or not, is not the point. The point is that he deserves a hell of a lot better than having his dirty laundry aired on Capitol Hill.

This should have been a League matter from the beginning, but because the Commissioner was so enthralled with home run records being shattered yearly, an effective drug policy was the last thing on his agenda. The Rocket should not have to face possible jail time for admitting publicly to highly questionable past "transgressions" that were not even transgressions according to MLB at the time they supposedly took place. He should not have his career written off over locker room conversations. That took place ten years ago.

Just. Horseshit.

An Ugly Chapter

Jose Canseco swears that he never saw Roger Clemens "use, possess or ask for steroids or human growth hormone" when they were teammates on the Toronto Blue Jays.

Just swell.

To think that a juiced Bash Brother and a shifty Rocket both suited up for the Jays at the same time makes me want to undergo a Jason Bourne style mind wipe where I wake up in some crummy apartment in Prague next to some chick who looks like the lead singer from The Sounds and who is probably starring in "Run Lola Run II."

This unfortunate chapter in Jays' history makes the David Eckstein signing look like they just inked Tony Freakin' Fernandez.









"We're not juicing in America and we're not... sorry!"

Upset In Odense!!

The unthinkable has happened. FC Barcelona dropped a heart-breaker to Danish GOG Svendborg TGI in Champions League Team Handball action.

GOG showed plenty of grit by coming back from a seven goal deficit with just 20 minutes to go in the match. Icelandic born Snurri Gudjonsson, the Steve Nash of handball, lead the charge by being able to penetrate the strong Spanish defence. After breaking through with a couple of goals, GOG team mates Lasse Svan Hansen and the injured Fredrik Petersen followed up with goals of their own.

The crowd of 2,150 lost their lorte when Gog took the lead and finally won, 35-33.

FC Barcelona goal keeper and Danish national, Kasper Hvidt, was careful not to underestimate Gog. Now he finds his squad in a position where they have to win the rest of their Group 4 matches in order to advance to the semis.

A daunting task indeed, but not impossible. If I may be the voice of reason in this international Team Handball fiasco, I say this to Hvidt and FC Barcelona:

Did you really think you were going to roll into a packed Zlatorog Hall, that's been sold out for a month, and beat a team that's actually named GOG?

Up until now, the only GOG that I was familiar with is the DC comics powerhouse who actually took down Superman. You should fucking be happy you walked out of Odense with your lives.

Scary Stuff

Whoa. That Richard Zednik injury was nasty. Good to hear that he's ok though after getting an accidental skate blade across the neck from Panther team mate, Olli Jokinen. Hockey is the only sport in which getting your neck lacerated is an actual potential job hazard. However, the sport breeds some of the toughest cats on the planet, and although he had emergency surgery tonight, he'll probably be back at his team's morning skate in a week. Un. Real.

Speaking of unreal. Let's take a look at Ryan Shannon's shoot out winner against Chicago tonight. Interference? Possibly...but I'll still take it.

Maniwaki Wide World Of Sports

5-1 for the Avs in the second intermission.

I need a break. You need a break.

Let's see what's shaking in sporting arenas around the globe:

Cricket. Westpac Stadium. Wellington, NZ. Apparently England got spanked by New Zealand in the first ever one-day international tourney, losing by a full six wickets. The Kiwis, mistaking the English squad for the Canucks, opened the throttle and never looked back.

From the BBC:

"England chose to bat first but, with just seven boundaries and Phil Mustard the top-scorer with 31, were bowled out for 130 with two balls to spare."

If any one can explain to me what the fuck that means, e-mail me and then award yourself 25 Maniwaki points and two full wickets.




Don't worry old chap...at least you aren't falling out of contention in the Northwest.









Team Handball. Champions League. Zlatorog Hall. Odense, Denmark. FC Barcelona squares off today against Danish GOG Svendborg TGI in this highly anticipated Champions League, Division 4 tilt. FC Barcelona goal keeper and Danish National, 31-year old Kasper Hvidt, is thrilled to open the round on his native turf against a Danish squad, who he does not underestimate.

"...people in the rest of Europe may consider GOG to be the weakest. However, I expect this to be a very equal group, but I believe that we have the strongest team and we will be able to qualify for the semi-finals."



You don't get to boast the highest saving efficiency at the Euro 2008, or a spot on the All Star team in Norway, by being cocky. "Held og lykkek!" to Hvidt and his Spanish squad in the tourney.


Women's Skeleton. Track Winterberg. Winterberg, Germany. Canadian skeleton slider, Michelle Kelly won gold and set a track record in World Cup competition on Friday. Recovering from a shoulder injury from last year, and a brutal '06 Olympics, Kelly credits her return to podium placement on BC chronic. Needless to say she is the favourite going into the 2010 Games in Whis.












You have to be higher than hell to do this.

The Case For Sundin Pt II

24 Hrs did a piece today asking what moves you'd make if you were GM of the Canucks.

From reading the article it seems the biggest move people are willing to make in this town is aggressively pursue Anson Carter from overseas. While it's not a bad tactic, this is the best we can come up with? Anson Carter? Really?

He's the key to our Stanley Cup?

At the risk of drawing more ire from the lower mainland, allow me to throw my cell phone into the ring and state my plan.

If I were GM I'd...

Make a play for Mats Sundin. What the fuck is everybody so scared of? We've become so attached to our emerging stars and fourth line grinders that the thought of actually giving up some talent to get an actual superstar gives people in this town a heart attack.

Here is why the Sundin move is imperative:

1. We need to make a play for The Cup now. We are one point out of a playoff spot and a mere three out of the division lead. We are in contention, therefore we must play to win.

2. We need a physical presence immediately. Sundin is like the Incredible Hulk out there. If called upon, he could lift Grouse Mountain to score a goal. We don't need anymore danglers, or fanciness. We need someone to flatten anyone who gets in his way to the net. Because:

3. The playoffs are tough kids. Don't know if you've watched any of the Stanley Cup playoffs in the last few years. Things tend to get a bit animated once mid April hits.

4. Sundin takes the heat off Naslund. In so many ways. By contributing goal after goal after assist after assist after goal... (He's got 57 points already this year, playing on a garbage Leafs squad.) Sundin will also bolster Naslund's performance. Remember when the Captain had that Bertuzzi guy to stroll around the ice with? (Before the incident?) Care to have an improved version of that line return to GM Place? I would.

5. Not to mention those Sedin kids. As well as Ohland, who all won an Olympic Gold with Sundin a couple of years ago. Not only do these cats know how to play together. They know how to win the big lingonberrie pankake together.

6. Going, going, gone. This situation isn't going to last forever. The Leafs are under tons of pressure to do something. They want to unload everyone and start fresh. And they want to do it soon. Although Sundin has stated he wouldn't waive his no trade clause, I highly suspect this is just media savviness. If given the opportunity to play alongside his Team Sweden pals as well as Roberto Luongo, we could easily see his mind change fast.

7. We can't fight to save our lives. But how does bringing in Sundin help you ask? He's no fighter. Granted. But his offence takes pressure off all these middle weight grinders who constantly feel the need to "spark the team" and then get their ass handed to them because the Canucks are consistently down by 2 goals. That being said, we still need to find a really tough prairie scrapper for the playoffs. We don't need to fight as much. We just need to win when we do.

So I know what you're thinking, "What do we give up?". And to that I say some combination of young talent that makes the Leafs appear like they're building. One that gives us the Stanley Cup lynch pin we're desperately needing. Would that include Bourdon? Sure. Kesler? You bet. Draft picks? Of course. All of the above? Look, I don't know what the exact combination would be, because I don't work for MLSE and don't know what they want but the point is that we have the chips at our disposal to deal with them and ultimately win The Cup. This year.

What I do know is that it would probably be more than most people in Vancouver would be willing to give up, but in the end there would be a pretty good Cup parade rolling down the street past my balcony.

Canucks To Appear On "Ultimate Fighter"

They need to lift tractor tires with Team Serra or run up desert mountains with Team Hughes. They can't fight to save their life. Cowan got pummelled tonight in Atlanta as did McIver and I haven't seen a solid decision go to a Canucks brawler in months. This is not good. Perhaps George St. Pierre needs to step in and conduct sparring drills with the Canucks in his preparation for UFC 81. Maybe they need to listen to more Swedish Death Metal. I don't know.

Although Vancouver did win tonight 2-1, and all seems rosy and back on track, I'm looking ahead to the dog-eat-dog days of April and May. When the squad is in the deep, dark trenches of a nasty series vs Anaheim or San Jose. A George Parros or a Jody Shelley maybe can't win a game singlehandedly, but they can sure make a series long and gruelling. And the Canucks will have to come up with a pretty solid ground game in order to not tap out early.

Deal or No Deal

DEAL! Alex Rios signed a one year extension with the Jays. $4.835 million being the tally. So elated was I, that I attempted my first back flip on a snowboard this eve and stomped it Shaun White style. (ok not really...it was just a lame backside grab, but nonetheless this signing as well as my grab are both good for baseball.)

NO DEAL! Not yet anyways. Peter Forsberg has whittled his number of brief cases down to just a few. The Canucks, Senators, Avalanche and Flyers all vying for his services. While I am leery of him coming to the Canucks, as he will probably sprain his finger while lacing up for his first game, I cannot bemoan his possible presence here.

BONUS ROUND! I just love Pedro. Always up to some shit, always with a smile on his face. This time he gets caught attending a cock fight in the Dominican. At a place called the "Coliseo de Gallos" or "Rooster Coliseum." Sometimes this shit just falls out of the sky. Don't question it.

A New Hope

Now that's putting the "C" in Canucks. Yes, the lads lost tonight, but just by goalpost. Any other day of the week and Linden puts that one in the shoot out.

As far as I'm concerned, the losing streak is officially over. The main story tonight is Markus Naslund donning the cape and scoring Vancouver's only two goals of the contest. Not to mention scoring in the shootout?? With a slick, strafing dangle move? And finally looking confident while doing it?

This is the kind of thing you expect a captain to do when the ship's veered off course for a spell and is heading through a nasty, gnarly fjord. You hope that he's savvy enough to navigate through that shit.

Two goals and a successful, decisive shoot out attempt? Tonight they should be calling him Markus "Messier" Naslund.

Still Speechless

I'm not even a Pats fan, and even I'm walking around in a stupor like I've gone a round in the Octagon with Gabriel Gonzaga.

When Brady and company took the lead with two minutes to go, I (like 99.999% of the rest of the planet) figured this was it. This is what we had been waiting for. The Pats to flip the switch, put their foot on the gas and leave everyone else in the dust. Driving off to a white sand magical land where they play beach volleyball all day with Giselle and her scantilly clad Brazllian posse, while drinking cervesas brewed from gold.

Especially after kicking the ball to the Giants' -52, or whatever the ridiculous field position was, after the TD.

How could they lose?

How could Eli possibly make such an epic "300" worthy drive?

How could Tyree make that catch?

How could they toss up a beach ball to the last batter of the ninth during the perfect game?

How is it possible to feel this bad for a team went 18-1?

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Huh?

I mean, I know we all just witnessed it....

But I don't know if I'm prepared to live in a world where Eli Manning is the Super Bowl MVP.

Clearly, this will warrant more reaction from the Skip at a later time. For now, I'm speechless. Literally speechless.

Honest to god, what just happened?

- the Skip

Brady and Belichik Out Maneuver Beelzebub and Boras

A message to all of you Pats fans trembling in your tailgates over the latest and very untimely "Spygate" developments:

Do not worry. The Patriots will still win the Super Bowl. Bet your Budweisers on it.

Upon first hearing the news that someone else crawled out of the bleachers claiming to have evidence of more of the Pats' past video taping shenanigans, I figured this must the end of the highlight reel for Belichik and the boys.

How could they possibly shake this one off and march into the biggest game of their lives? (and quite possibly the the biggest football game in history...) Surely this would get under the skin of supremely, stoic Belichik. Surely Brady would finally snap, dump Giselle and jet off to Cabo for the night with the newly single Jessica Simpson. Surely Beelzebub would show up to Boston, brandishing many signed contracts and demanding payment from all residents who signed off to ensure their city's uncanny recent sporting successes.

But then it hit me. This is perfect. This is exactly what the Pats need. Another "evil", exterior force to galvanize them, bringing them together as a squad. On the day of the biggest game of their lives. And the biggest game to be played in the history of football.

This isn't some A-Rod/Boras scheme to undermine the World Series and secure a huge payday. It's not that obvious. If there is a scandal in any of this it's that Belichik himself probably payed off this latest "informant" to kick up a fuss the day before the game, in order to rally his men.

Perfect.

Another Tough Night

I just about shaved the mohawk tonight. Trapped at work with a tidal wave of people manically barreling through the doors as if they were zombies in one of the "28 Days Later" flicks.

Sinuses backed and head pounding with the second wave of the Mitchell Report flu, I was going to have to dig deep in order to weather the barrage. I put on my toughest game face and rehearsed my most trite hockey cliches for the post game interview.

But it was a particularly nasty affair tonight. The mirror might has well have been 1970's silver screen as it reflected back some of the gritty near breaking points in my psyche. If you are a fan of "Taxi Driver" or "Apocalypse Now" you should pull up a stool on a Friday night.

Then again, maybe you shouldn't.

Regardless, I was going to need a hand tonight. Perhaps the Canucks (who were conveniently on the Pay Per View) could finally provide a pick me up.

Without beating, flogging a dead horse, digging a hole, dumping the carcass in, and digging it back up to take a few more rounds out of it, I will merely provide the recap:

1. We took the lead.

2. We lost the lead.

3. We took the lead.

4. We lost the lead.

5. We took the lead.

6. We lost the game in the shoot out. Another scrubby southeastern team being the culprit.

That is all for tonight.