Game 4 Live

Ok, now to the big game, in which I'm going to blatantly copy Bill Simmons from ESPN.com and give a play by play running commentary of this match. Will it be as good? Will it be better? Will it be worse? Only one thing is for sure. It will be a complete rip off.

1st period. All of it. Entire series for that matter. We still can't score on the power play. What else is new?

12:55. NASLUND SCORES!!! I know..I know...I know what you're saying. Look. It's not like I've been totally off base. He's scored some key goals so far in the playoffs. His third consecutive game with a goal no less, so just chill out. But tonight's THE night. The C could quite possibly get as many points as Bargnani did for the Raptors.

14:30. Fuck on a Duck. If I see one more Anaheim player crash Luongo, I'm going to run down to Champs, grab a retro Tiger Williams jersey, then make a bee line for GM Place, hop on the ice and start cracking skulls myself. I'm 5' 10" and a buck eighty and I welcome all comers...Enough of this shit...

18:59. Killing off another penalty, yet we're applying pressure and it looks like we're going to score. How does this work? The Canucks can't set up five on four, but yet assemble like Y-Wings setting up a Death Star attack run when they only have four players on the ice.

1st intermission. A quick blurb from Trevor Linden. Level headed and to the point. Keeping things cool not only in the dressing room, but in the whole lower mainland. If anyone deserves to hoist the cup on this squad it is him. He absolutely deserves it. When it happens in Game 6 of the Cup final, I might even shed a tear. I SAID MIGHT.

A fresh pint from our latest keg droid, R5 D4. This one has been sitting on the balcony for a week since my birthday. Like the last one, it will not be returned until it is empty.

2nd Period.

1:24. Is it me or does Niedermayer look like Old Man Winter with that white playoff beard? Or maybe Gandalf.

2:16.Sopel is skating around without his helmet, as it got "knocked off". I just think he wants to calm everyone down by showing them that he's growing his mullet back. Thank God. It's high time.

5:19. Looks like another penalty against us. Great, maybe we'll score. I can't believe I'm actually looking forward Annaheim power plays rather than ours.

6:29. Sure as shit a short handed two on one in which Morrison just about scored.

7:01. Great! A five on three for Anaheim!!! And a four minute minor to boot as Josh Green high sticked Selanne in the face drawing blood!!! I am expecting at least three goals for us!!

9:26. Maybe James Cameron and company did find the Tomb of Jesus Christ. And maybe when they opened it Roberto Luongo climbed out, gave them a "Oui, Allo!", and proceeded to make sick saves. Where do you even begin with this guy? Dedicate and entire column to him? How about a full blog for starters..

12:04. Two seconds left in our power play due to too many Canards on the ice. Whew...

15:30.Morrison penalty. Maybe Luongo can score. Nope looks like Sopel just about mulletted one past Giguere.

17:31. Morrison scores!!! Wow! A two goal lead!! I haven't seen one of those since March!!!

19:24. Brad May hit twice. Once by Smith then another by Burrows. Good. I hate Brad May.

2nd Intermission. Another visit to R5-D4. My spouse wants to know when I will be getting rid of him. I say that I can't bring myself to send him back to his Russel Brewing Sand Crawler while he still has Pale Ale in his system. It would be wrong. She doesn't like him. She wants him gone. It's gotten to that time. I'm not worried. I've been here before.

3rd Period.

2:02. Hank with a nice spin-o-rama, but to no avail. That shit was a tilt-a-whirl with a rat-tailed Carny hepped up on bathtub meth at the controls.

3:58. Lucky Fucky Ducky. Pronger blasts one past Luongo of Nazareth. While the rest of the lower mainland is waiting for the other skate to drop, I sip my R5 Ale casually. We've been here before.

6:45. Another great chance. We are playing with some jump. So much so that I would not be surprised if the camera cut to David Lee Roth in the stands making an attempt to pick up some doe eyed Shark Club waitress.

9:00. Bieksa trots to the box for hauling down Getzlaf. I don't feel good about this one.

11:00. Penalty over. Whew. Luongo survived another barrage, knocking one down with his stick. I wonder if it is really a lightsaber...

13:06. How much more can he take? Another blinding save display put on by the goalie. The shit looked like the end of the Matrix where Neo casually deflects Agent Smith's toughest punches.

14:18. Selanne has just woken from his slumber by knocking one out of the air and scoring. First shot on net in two games CBC reports. I am mildly concerned. But only mildly...

16:34. Looks like the Canucks are reading a page out of the Raptors' playbook this evening. And Mitchell has been sent to the box. Is it too late to draft Chris Bosh?

3rd Intermission. What can you say at this point? Really. It's gotten to the point that if we don't go to OT, I feel incomplete. You know who loves OT even more? My spouse. Words cannot express her profound disdain for the playoffs. I feel that one day I will wake up in some abandoned warehouse tied to a chair and forced to watch a "What Not To Wear" marathon. Eyes possibly pried open, Clockwork Orange style.

1st Overtime. This really isn't good. Travis Moan for Anaheim at 2:07 in OT. 3-2, the final. Let's just say I am more than mildly concerned at this point. Still not conceding defeat though. We will still win the cup.